Something Beautiful or Humorous

Turning 40

2011-12-29T22:15:00.003-05:00

What a great day it's been & what a great year it's been. Since I turned 40 today, a lot of people have been asking me how it feels. Well, at this particular time in my life, I feel so blessed! How great to turn 40 and feel like you're in such a good place. And if you've read this blog at all, you will know that I don't sugar coat things, so it's saying something that I only have happy things to say at the moment. ;)

I've conquered depression & anxiety. This is the first holiday season in so long that I haven't been in counseling and feeling over-stressed and down. Thank you progesterone and thank you Mood Cure and other natural supplements!

I've overcome some health challenges. This is the first holiday season in several years that I haven't been sick with a sinus infection and multiple rounds of anti-biotics. I have overcome adrenal fatigue and I'm happily taking loads of thyroid medicine and feeling almost completely back to normal again.

I have such a great family and wonderful friends, 14 of whom went out to Mike's American Grill and celebrated with me tonight. Friendships are blossoming for me more than they have in a while. Thank you friends & family! You support me so much!

Lastly, my clothes are LOOSE! I get to celebrate today 30 pounds lighter than I have been in a while. So I'm not necessarily feeling any wiser, but definitely feeling so grateful and thankful right now.

It's great to be 40. :)

"Fulfill The Vision"

2011-01-29T19:54:00.008-05:00

Today I got to go see one of my paintings in a real life art exhibit! I entered a painting in an art competition called "Fulfill The Vision." The paintings are now on display (for you locals) at the Washington DC Temple Visitor's Center of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, located in Kensington, MD. The exhibit will be there from January 29 to March 27, 2011.

One thing I like about visiting the Visitor's Center is how kind the hosts and missionaries are. They make you feel like the most important person in the world, while they're talking to you. This evening, our family was invited to a reception for the artists. They had the Visitor's Center Director say a few words to us, then there was food, like little chocolate dipped strawberries and such. Then they took a picture of all the artists.

I secretly felt like a Nerd invited to a Cool Kids Party. But it was a nice experience, and I'm really glad I got to be a part of it.

Chris took this photo of the temple when we were there this evening. It reminded him of my painting with the clouds behind it and the sun setting.

They asked us to submit a statement about our inspiration behind the paintings. This was the statement I submitted:

"When I began to paint this painting, I was thinking about self-worth. I had heard a comparison to when it is cloudy and the sun isn't visible to us at the moment. We know that if we could just ascend above the clouds, we would see the sun. The sun is still there despite what clouds may cover it. Similarly, even when we don't feel the true measure of our self worth, and we may not know how precious we are in God's sight, that worth is still there. We are precious and loved by God, even if we don't see that we are. As I started to think about this concept, I realized that the place where I see the truth the most clearly is in the temple. Additionally, the temple for all of us can be a place of refuge from all the cares of the world and so called, "storms" that go on outside the temple. And finally, the temple image symbolizes the light of the Gospel, and how the Gospel shines like a beacon in our dark and confused world."

How It Feels To Be Eli

2010-11-23T16:10:00.000-05:00

Most of you know by now that Eli has had a neurological condition his whole life (that we just found out about 9 months ago!) called Sensory Processing Disorder. The term Sensory Processing Disorder is actually an "umbrella term" for several different sensory disorders. For example, some kids over-experience their senses (like Eli), and some kids under-experience their senses, and there are sub-types. But I'm just glad to know that the things we have struggled through with Eli for so long are not because Eli is a "bad kid." There was a neurological reason he was throwing all those fits. If you suspect that your child suffers from this disorder, get an appointment with an occupational therapist and/or click here for a symptom checklist.

Part of the relief of getting Eli's diagnosis has come from being able to empathize with what Eli goes through. I came across this on a great website & thought I would share it. (It came from a presentation that the author of the website gives to adults who work in daycare and preschool.)

Imagine if:

You could see obstacles in your way, but you could not make your body move the direction you wanted it to to avoid them.

You felt like someone had given you a shot of Novocain in your backside so you couldn't feel if you were sitting in the middle of your chair and you fell off 3 times during this training.

Your clothes felt like they were made of fiberglass.

You tried to drink a cup of water from a paper cup, only you couldn't tell how hard to squeeze it to hold onto it. So, you squeezed it too hard and the water spilled all over you. The next time you didn't squeeze it hard enough and it fell right through your hands and onto the floor.

Every time you tried to write with your pencil, it broke because you pushed too hard.

The different smells in this room made you utterly nauseous.

The humming of the lights sounded louder than my voice.

You couldn't focus your eyes on me because everything and everyone in the room catches your attention and your eyes just go there instead.

The lights are so bright you have to squint, then you get a pounding headache half way through the presentation.

Every time someone touches you, it feels like they are rubbing sandpaper on your skin.

You could only sit here for 15 minutes and then you had to take a run around the building or do 20 jumping jacks so you could sit for another 10 minutes before your muscles felt like they were going to jump out of your skin.

People's whispers sounded like they were yelling.

The tag in the back of your shirt makes you feel as uncomfortable as you would if a spider was crawling on you and you couldn't get him off.

You wanted to write something down but it took you at least 5 seconds to form each letter. You can see the letter in your head, but your hand will not go in the right direction to write it.

You had to pull the car over 3 times on the ride here because the motion makes you sick.

I am proud of Eli for the way he is coping. The toddler years were the worst, when his symptoms were most pronounced. But the good thing about where we're at now is that he is learning to communicate his needs to us.

Any parents out there of children with sensory issues? How do you cope? What are your biggest challenges?

Holiday Charity During A Recession

2010-11-21T18:10:00.000-05:00

How cool is this organization? So cool!! Let me tell you about it. I first heard about The Tipping Bucket on an LDS radio program about non-profit organizations. The Tipping Bucket fascinated me when I heard about its concept. The organization picks one project at a time to raise money for. Say they need $5000 for computers for children at a school in Africa. Do I have $5000? No. But I may have $1.00, and I may have 5000 friends or friends of friends that also have $1.00. In this age of social networking, it is a great concept.

So I am not ashamed to admit that along with a great number of people in this country, I am pretty strapped right now. A large Sub-for-Santa project would not be in our family's budget AT ALL! To be perfectly honest, even an ornament on a Giving Tree would add stress to our budget. But I do have $1.00. After I donated the first time, I was automatically on their mailing list and they would notify me when they were fundraising for their next project (a few weeks later), and I was happy to give $1.00 to that next project. It makes me feel like the widow's mite CAN make a difference. The default donation is $1.00. They really are happy just for that small amount! That's where the name, The Tipping Bucket came from. Every donation is like a small drop in the bucket. When they reach their fundraising goal, the bucket overflows or "tips" over, and they celebrate and move on to the next project. If they don't meet their fundraising goal (which has happened once so far since I've been following the organization,) they actually refund you! Their website actually says, "Change the world or your money back!"

How To Overcome A Bad Mood

2010-11-18T18:08:00.006-05:00

Admit it, this happens to you sometimes! Whether you're male or female (although females have the extra curse of moody hormones), and no matter what your life circumstance, we're all going to have down days. My philosophy is that every bad mood has a SOLVE-ABLE reason. And I will become a detective and track it down, trial and error until I find it and correct the problem.

Bad moods can snowball and become horrible moods and a long string of bad moods can equal clinical depression. Try to solve it right away so that it doesn't grow larger. Bad moods can cause strife in your family or workplace. It may be more comfortable to stay in the mire of a bad mood, but it is costly! Are you really willing to pay the consequences of not working to fix your grouchiness?

There are so many things I could put on this list. I'm sure I'm going to think of more after I post this, but for now, I will just stick with my top 10.

Here is my "Go To" list of things that help with bad moods:

Take 5HTP OR read The Mood Cure to find out if you have a different amino acid deficiency, and take the corresponding supplement. And if the bad moods are not solved by that and come around way too frequently for your comfort, be sure you try to find an integrative physician. You'd be surprised what basic vitamin deficiencies they test for and how much better you can feel.
Get out your light therapy lamp. This usually always helps me, especially if the bad mood occurs on a dark, rainy day. If you struggle with insomnia, make sure your light therapy occurs before lunch. Here is the model I own. I got a small one since we live in such a small home! I find it works great. But my sister owns one that is giant and huge and she calls it her "sun." :) You can also rent them instead of buying them. I'm not sure where, though, other than doctors' offices that specialize in sleep disorders, and in those cases, your health insurance might help out, too. Here is an article about light therapy.
Listen to music that you like. Don't obsess too much about WHICH music. (Fellow OCD people?) :) Just put your music player on shuffle or random, and if the song makes you unhappy SKIP until you find one that makes you happy. Music accesses the pleasure centers in your brain.
Call someone, especially if you know of someone who can make you laugh. I talked to a friend the other night that I have not talked to in a long time. It was SO REFRESHING to just laugh! Even though I was venting my problems, we were both laughing a lot. I went to bed happier that night than I have been in a long time.
Go for a walk, do yoga or any type of exercise or as Flylady calls it, "loving movement." How many times have I come back from a walk or a work out feeling so happy and exhilarated.
Write down your problems and see if you can guide yourself into either an action item to solve the specific problem that is bothering you or write down corrections for any illogical, distorted, exaggerated thoughts.
Contrary to common advice out there, I don't find it very helpful to PRETEND I'm happy. Smiling in the mirror or being completely "fake" cheerful to others is just more than I can manage. Instead, I have to trick myself into smiling by watching funny TV or listening to a funny podcast. Once I catch myself "accidentally" laughing, it's easy to become more and more cheered up.
Sleep. Could the cause of the bad mood be sleep deprivation? Take a nap. I give you my permission not to feel guilty about it. If a nap is not an option, I hate to say this, but I actually advocate a teeny bit of caffeine. My religion prohibits coffee, but it's amazing how much better I have felt on some days after a little soda or chocolate. If this becomes a daily or prolonged problem, you definitely need to see an integrative physician (see item #1) or read The Mood Cure's chapter on the supplement, L-Tyrosine. I don't like soda in general or caffeine in general, but once is not going to kill you.
Find some spiritual uplifting reading. Search www.lds.org for specific topics that will make you feel hopeful and renewed. Search for "hope," "peace," "daughter of God," "happiness," "joy," or if the reason you are in a bad mood is that you need a do-over, search for "change" or "repentance.
Treat yourself in some way. This again addresses the pleasure centers in your brain. Ok, if it's a dessert, I again give you permission, as long as you are not doing it every day and being in denial that it's a larger problem than just a 1-day bad mood. (Again, see item #1). If your budget allows, treat yourself to a massage, or some earrings, or something else that makes you feel special. We feel guilty about treating ourselves, but look at it this way- bad moods can ruin relationships & hurt the feelings of those around you. Wouldn't you rather get a small lift out of your funk and buy the $10 earrings than scream at your kids when they get home from school?

OK- I knew I would think of more than 10. Here are some honorable mentions:

Will you please share your ideas with me in the comments on how to get over a bad mood?

Why Can't Women Get Along?

2010-11-17T18:29:00.001-05:00

I just read the most FABULOUS FABULOUS article that was an address at the BYU Women's Conference this past May by Renate Forste. I really wish every LDS female could read it (hey, non-LDS women have the same problems of non-unity, too, actually!) I don't think that can be accomplished, but I can use my little voice on this little blog & share some excerpts with you. I'll give you the crib notes. But if you have more time, go read the original. :)

The title of this post is taken from an article cited in Professor Forste's address, and although the topic is technically something different, I think that question is the one she was ultimately trying to ask and answer.

Have you ever felt that way? I have. And it's something no one tells you about "growing up." There are cliques in adulthood, too! But I think deep down inside all of us women, even the Mean Girls and the People In The Cliques is a super soft heart, one which can recognize the beauty in others without feeling threatened by it. And also an admission that we are so much stronger as a group or society (like the Relief Society!) when we get along then when we find so much fault with each other and with ourselves.

Here are some great excerpts:

Here is a page from a phone book. By itself, it is very weak and easy to tear. But on the Discovery Channel it was shown that if you interlock the pages from a phone book with those of another book it is almost impossible to separate the two books.

On MythBusters they drilled holes and put brackets and chains to secure the ends of the two interlocked books, and then tried to pull the two phone books apart with human power, but were unsuccessful. A pair of cars also failed at pulling the phone books apart. Last, they resorted to using a Sheridan light tank and an armored personnel carrier, which were finally able to pull the phone books apart. It took 8,000 pounds of force to pull the books apart, meaning that you could literally hang two full size cars from the interlocked books.

It is extremely difficult to separate two interlocked phone books due to the massive amount of friction between the pages of each book.

This interlocking is similar to the command Alma gave the priests he ordained to minister to the people at the waters of Mormon:

And he commanded them that there should be no contention one with another, but that they should look forward with one eye, having one faith and one baptism, having their hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another.

Now think about the force of millions of Relief Society sisters from all over the world, perfectly joined together – their hearts knit together in unity. This room [the audience at Women's Conference] is just one small example of the power of women coming together. By the time you have finished ‘Scattering Sunshine’ tonight and tomorrow – there will be hundreds of fleece blankets, thousands of hygiene kits, school kits, and newborn kits, as well as other items prepared to bless and uplift others worldwide.

Perfectly joined together – we are unstoppable. Satan won’t have Sheridan tanks big enough to pull us apart. So how do we then become perfectly joined together?

Sister Forste then talked about the problem of women being obsessed with various forms of perfection, especially when it comes to physical appearance, and she shared this hilarious Dave Barry column:

The humor columnist, Dave Barry, captured this well in a column published in 1998 called: Men should look out if a woman asks, ‘How do I look?’ Mr. Barry wrote: If you’re a man, at some point a woman will ask you how she looks. “How do I look?” she’ll ask. You must be careful how you answer this question. The best technique is to form an honest yet sensitive opinion, then collapse on the floor with some kind of fatal seizure. Trust me, this is the easiest way out. Because you will never come up with the right answer.

The problem is that women generally do not think of their looks in the same way that men do. Most men form an opinion of how they look in seventh grade, and they stick to it for the rest of their lives. Some men form the opinion that they are irresistible stud muffins, and they do not change this opinion even when their faces sag and their noses bloat to the size of eggplants . . . .

Most men, I believe, think of themselves as average-looking. . . . Being average does not bother them; average is fine, for men. This is why men never ask anybody how they look. Their primary form of beauty care is to shave themselves . . . .[and] if, at the end of this four-minute daily beauty regimen, a man has managed to wipe most of the shaving cream out of his hair . . . he feels that he has done all he can, so he stops thinking about his appearance and devotes his mind to more critical issues, such as the Super Bowl.

Women do not look at themselves this way. If I had to express, in three words, what I believe most women think about their appearance, those words would be: “not good enough.” No matter how attractive a woman may appear to be to others, when she looks at herself in the mirror, she thinks: woof. She thinks that at any moment a municipal animal-control officer is going to throw a net over her and haul her off to the shelter.

Why do women have such low self-esteem? There are many complex psychological and societal reasons, by which I mean Barbie. Girls grow up playing with a doll proportioned such that, if it were human, it would be seven feet tall and weigh 81 pounds, of which 53 pounds would be bosoms. This is a difficult appearance standard to live up to, especially when you contrast it with the standard set for little boys by their dolls. . . excuse me, by their action figures. Most of the action figures that my son played with when he was little were hideous-looking. For example, he was very fond of an action figure (part of the He-Man series) called “Buzz-Off,” who was part human, part flying insect. Buzz-Off was not a looker. But he was extremely selfconfident. You could not imagine Buzz-Off saying to the other action figures: “Do you think these wings make my hips look big?” But women grow up thinking they need to look like Barbie, which for most women is impossible, although there is a multi-billion-dollar beauty industry devoted to convincing women that they must try.

I once saw an Oprah show wherein supermodel Cindy Crawford dispensed makeup tips to the studio audience. Cindy had all these middle-aged women applying beauty products to their faces; she stressed how important it was to apply them in a certain way, using the tips of their fingers. All the women dutifully did this, even though it was obvious to any sane observer that, no matter how carefully they applied these products, they would never look remotely like Cindy Crawford, who is some kind of genetic mutation.

I’m not saying that men are superior. I’m just saying that you’re not going to get a group of middle-aged men to sit in a room and apply cosmetics to themselves under the instruction of Brad Pitt, in hopes of looking more like him. Men would realize that this task was pointless and demeaning. They would find some way to bolster their self-esteem that did not require looking like Brad Pitt. They would say to Brad: “Oh YEAH? Well what do you know about LAWN CARE, pretty boy?”

Of course many women will argue that the reason they become obsessed with trying to look like Cindy Crawford is that men, being as shallow as a drop of spit, WANT women to look that way. To which I have two responses:

1. Hey, just because WE’RE idiots, that doesn’t mean YOU have to be; and
2. Men don’t even notice 97 percent of the beauty efforts you make anyway.

Take fingernails. . . . I have never once, in more than 40 years of listening to men talk about women, heard a man say, “She has a nice set of fingernails.”

Anyway, to be back to my original point: If you’re a man, and a woman asks you how she looks, you’re in big trouble. Obviously, you can’t say she looks bad. But you also can’t say that she looks great, because she’ll think you’re lying, because she has spent countless hours, with the help of the multibillion-dollar beauty industry, obsessing about the differences between herself and Cindy Crawford. Also, she suspects that you’re not qualified to judge anybody’s appearance. This is because you have shaving cream in your hair.

Sister Forste touches on jealousy by quoting Elder Holland:

Who is it that whispers so subtly in our ear that a gift given to another somehow diminishes the blessings we have received? Who makes us feel that if God is smiling on another, then He surely must somehow be frowning on us? You and I both know who does this—it is the father of all lies. It is Lucifer, our common enemy, whose cry down through the corridors of time is always and to everyone, “Give me thine honor.” . . . As others seem to grow larger in our sight, we think we must therefore be smaller. So, unfortunately, we occasionally act that way.

And it's also low self-esteem and ridiculous feelings of inadequacy that get in our way:

Jim Duke and Barry Johnson surveyed members of the LDS church back in the 1990s. Using a national sample of Mormon families, they asked both husbands and wives to respond to separate questionnaires about their religious practices. Respondents rated their church activity, scripture reading, frequency of prayer, and so forth. One question asked: if you were to die today, which of the three degrees of glory do you feel worthy to enter? What they found was:
Men were more likely than women to believe that if they died today, they would be worthy of the celestial kingdom. Men were also slightly more likely to say their life closely follows the life that Christ wants them to live. Men therefore felt more confident than did women about their place in the final judgment, despite the fact that they rated themselves less religious than women on 26 of the 31 questions.
Thus, the men had a more lenient standard for entering the celestial kingdom and gave themselves a high self-evaluation; in contrast, the women although they reported engaging more in behaviors such as church attendance and daily prayer, gave themselves a low self-evaluation.

Sisters, having the same judgment requires us to not buy into messages of inferiority or low selfworth. We should not judge ourselves more harshly or set unattainable standards for ourselves relative to others. We are just as capable, just as worthy. The work we do may not receive worldly recognition – but it is essential to the Lord’s plan. He knows our worth – and we need to believe Him.

Later she quotes Marjorie Hinckley:

We are all in this together. We need each other, Oh, how we need each other. Those of us who are old need you who are young. And, hopefully, you who are young need some of us who are old. It is a sociological fact that women need women. We need deep and satisfying and loyal friendships with each other. These friendships are a necessary source of sustenance. We need to renew our faith every day. We need to lock arms and help build the kingdom so that it will roll forth and fill the whole earth.

And her main point:

Relief Society should be our sanctuary. We should be able to come together in prayer and fasting, in testimony and faith, and in loving support of one another. No sister should leave Relief Society with feelings of guilt, isolation, or inadequacy. If we are perfectly joined together – what woman would not want to be part of such a society? We need all of us – young, old, tall, short, single and married – as Sister Parkin said: Bring your talents, your gifts, your individuality so that we can be one.

It is only then, united, that we can move the kingdom forward. Perfectly joined together we can be an unstoppable force for good.

The Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe?

2010-11-16T20:58:00.000-05:00

When I was single, I had a roommate who was a culinary genius. For a couple of lucky months, she did a chocolate chip cookie experiment, trying to find the best recipe ever. Was Mrs. Fields the best? Was Mom's the best? How about Nestle? Do we like the add-ins, like coconut, etc.? All of us roomates so completely overindulged in trying out all the recipes. As far as I know, she never came to any conclusion after all that field work.

Recently, my sister did the same thing! After a while, she actually made up her own recipe. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I shared it with you. She's pretty proud of it. This cookie is a combination of a few different yummy flavors like vanilla, toffee, almond and chocolate. It actually does require a teensy bit extra time in the kitchen than most recipes, but it's worth it.

I recently pre-measured the ingredients and had an Activity Day Girls activity where they made this recipe by themselves. We then baked the cookies & they wrote appreciation notes to our bishopric, then I delivered plates of cookies to their families. Enjoy the recipe below. Note: it makes a lot. You could either half the recipe or prepare the cookies to go in the freezer this way:

On a parchment or foil lined baking sheet, place heaping-full tablespoons of dough.
Put as many as you can get on the sheet.
Put baking sheet in the freezer for a couple of hours or overnight.
Remove from the sheet to an airtight container or freezer bags.

In the comments, feel free to share your favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe.

Hillary's Chocolate Chip Cookie Creation

4 sticks of soft butter

2 cups white sugar

2 cups brown sugar

1 T dark Karo syrup

4 eggs

2 cups oatmeal that has been ground in the food processor

1 pkg dry vanilla pudding mix

2 tsp salt

2 tsp baking soda

2 tsp baking powder

1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp almond extract

1 giant Symphony Toffee Almond Chocolate Bar ground in the food processor

5-6 cups flour

1 bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips

1/2 bag of your choice chocolate chips (milk chocolate or chocolate caramel swirl for example)

Mix first 6 ingredients well, then add everything but the flour. Mix. Add a cup of flour at a time. Add chocolate chips. Mix until the dough comes off the side of the bowl, and the bowl is clean. If you add too little flour, the cookie will be flat once cooked and the dough is too sticky. If you add too much flour, then the cookie is too hard.

Bake for 13 minutes at 375 degrees F.

This Poem Is My Theme Song

2010-11-15T16:15:00.001-05:00

Theme Song... meaning I've almost had a nervous breakdown trying to live this way.

I was thinking about how to write some posts about eliminating the stress in our lives, and this poem popped into my mind. Can we not let go of false facades? False facades not only discourage authenticity and friendship, but also the stress of trying to keep this up will kill us.

Raise your right hand. Repeat after me: "I will only read this poem if I understand that I am not get more ideas on how to emulate the craziness, but rather LET GO OF IT!"

The Girl in a Whirl
by ‘Dr. Sue’
(a.k.a. Vickie Gunther)

Look at me, look at me, look at me now!
You could do what I do
If you only knew how.

I study the scriptures one hour each day;
I bake,
I upholster,
I scrub,
and I pray.

I always keep all the commandments completely;
I speak to my little ones gently and sweetly.

I help in their classrooms!
I sew all they wear!
I drive them to practice!
I cut all their hair!

I memorize names of the General Authorities;
I focus on things to be done by priorities.

I play the piano!
I bless with my talents!
My toilets all sparkle!
My checkbooks all balance!

Each week every child gets a one-on-one date;
I attend all my meetings (on time! Never late!)

I’m taking a class on the teachings of Paul,
But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all …

I track my bad habits ‘til each is abolished;
Our t-shirts are ironed!
My toenails are polished!

Our family home evenings are always delightful;
The lessons I give are both fun and insightful.

I do genealogy faithfully, too.
It’s easy to do all the things that I do!

I rise each day early, refreshed and awake;
I know all the names of each youth in my stake!
I read to my children!
I help all my neighbors!
I bless the community, too, with my labors.

I exercise and I cook menus gourmet;
My visiting teaching is done the first day!

(I also go do it for someone who missed hers.
It’s the least I can do for my cherished ward sisters.)

I chart resolutions and check off each goal;
I seek each “lost lamb” on my Primary roll.

I can home-grown produce each summer and fall.
But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all …

I write in my journal!
I sing in the choir!
Each day, I write “thank you’s” to those I admire.

My sons were all Eagles when they were fourteen!
My kids get straight A’s!
And their bedrooms are clean!

I have a home business to help make some money;
I always look beautifully groomed for my honey.

I go to the temple at least once a week;
I change the car’s tires!
I fix the sink’s leak!

I grind my own wheat and I bake all our bread;
I have all our meals planned out six months ahead.

I make sure I rotate our two-years’ supply;
My shopping for Christmas is done by July!

These things are not hard;
It’s good if you do them;
You can if you try!
Just set goals and pursue them!

It’s easy to do all the things that I do!
If you plan and work smart, you can do them all, too!

It’s easy!” she said …… and then she dropped dead.

Endocrine Disorders Series Part 6: Are We All Being Poisoned?

2010-11-14T14:07:00.001-05:00

Why are we hearing more and more that people are depressed, hypothyroid, hormonally imbalanced or have adrenal fatigue and other endocrine problems? Part of it is the stress in our lives, but I have started to learn that there are prevalent things in our environment that may be messing with the hormones in our bodies. They are called Endocrine Disruptors, Xenoestrogens and Phytoestrogens. I thought I would bring some of them to your attention because some lifestyle changes are worth it, when you have felt awful & we especially would never want our kids to end up with these problems in their adulthood or even adolescence.

This post is not to mean that I jump on the band wagon with the most panicked environmentalists out there. The things I've listed below are things that I've heard again and again from more than just a few sources. If I hear or read something once, it doesn't scare me. But if I hear it again and again from trusted sources, I start to be a little concerned.

However, I think we all should be able to take a middle of the road approach that acknowledges research out there that certain things are in fact bad for us, but realizing we still have to live in society without being fear-stricken all the time. But if you tend not to agree, before you point a mocking finger at me, read all the articles I have linked to. We can all make our own choices and not judge each other.

PLASTIC

Here are the changes our family has made:

Throw away any plastic containers once their color or texture has changed
Never put plastic containers in the microwave
Switch as much as possible to buying food that comes in a glass container instead of plastic
Get rid of all our tupperware and switch to these handy glass containers instead

Here's why.

HORMONES IN MILK AND MEAT

Our family shops at Trader Joe's. I really appreciate how easy it is to find hormone-free meat and milk there. I have noticed Costco also sells hormone-free milk (or is it just antibiotic-free? I can't remember.) On top of that, I choose the organic version. I also try to get cage-free organic eggs.*

Why is the normal milk and meat bad for us? To make more money, large farm owners give cows & chickens growth hormones (more animals or more milk production in less time=profit). They also give the cows & chickens antibiotics, which is beginning to cause antibiotic resistance in both animals & the humans that eat the meat. Growth hormone rBGH is now linked to cancer because it causes humans to produce too much of something called "insulin-like-growth-factor" responsibility for uncontrolled cell division (=cancer). Growth hormones are also linked to infertility, early puberty and the over-production of estrogen which can cause breast cancer.

Source.

Another interesting note is that American livestock is banned in many countries. This article scares me, and so does this one.

CHLORINE AND FLUORIDE

I have heard that these substances are especially harmful to the thyroid gland. I personally have had a hard time giving up my laundry bleach and my Colgate. But a friend of mine is so sensitive that she felt unwell after showering in chlorinated water and got a filter for the shower. She also switched to un-fluoridated toothpaste. Some people believe that our chlorinated and fluoridated tap water is a big cause of the rise of hypothyroid instances in the US. Here is an article about the water. Here is an article that questions whether fluoride really prevents cavities in the first place. All that said, I still haven't made any changes in our family. Maybe I should? What are your thoughts?

PESTICIDES

Why are they bad for us? They hurt the earth, they hurt our brains, and they hurt our endocrine systems. The Mood Cure even talks about how they increase depression. Here is a great summary of some scientific studies.

OTHER HOUSEHOLD CHEMICALS, INCLUDING FRAGRANCE

This is another area where I've read about convincing research that these are bad for us, but I just can't bring myself to make the switch. No matter how many testimonials I've heard that baking soda and vinegar are just as good at cleaning bathrooms as Lysol and Comet, I just can't do it. Similarly, thinking about giving up fresh-smelling Tide or my favorite air freshener grips my heart with sadness. I love those things, but I've read that they are dangerous. Again, I'd like to hear your thoughts.

SOY

I think I linked to this article before when I was talking about depression. Soy is a Phyto-estrogen, which means it overloads your body with estrogen, causing hormonal havoc. Since Estrogen Dominance is one of my biggest problems, I try really hard not to eat anything with soy, and it's hard, if you also want to increase your protein. For awhile, our house was free of protein bars (because you just can't find any with whey protein. All they use is soy protein isolate, dang it.) But once in a while it creeps back in, because I figure that once in a while a protein bar is better than an actual candy bar. But for the most part, I am definitely on the band wagon against soy!

FARMED FISH

This is an easy switch. Whenever I eat fish at a restaurant, I ask first if it's wild or farmed. I never eat farmed fish, if I can help it. At the grocery store, fish is clearly labeled, wild or farmed. I'm sure you've probably heard a lot in the news about why farmed fish is bad. If not, just google "dangers of farmed fish" or something. The biggest concern is mercury toxicity, which is a different nightmare than endocrine disruption. But the more I read about farmed fish (franken-fish, genetically modified, etc.), I am sort of saying, "who knows what is in that stuff?" Also, as far as salmon, wild salmon contain more healthy omega 3 acids because it occurs in their bodies naturally as they swim against the currents. In a farmed environment, the salmon don't have as much omega 3. They aren't even pink! They are DYED pink. Farmed fish also can contain PCBs, which are endocrine disruptors.

Source.

Have I left out anything?

*I have not seen the movie Food Inc. yet. It is on my Netflix Queue. I have a feeling once I do see it, I will probably post again, having been thoroughly freaked out. I have heard just a preview of what a nightmare it is especially when they talk about how meat and poultry are produced in this country. Yikes!

Endocrine Disorders Series Part 5: The Book Store

2010-11-13T18:42:00.003-05:00

All of the books below are on my bookshelf and have been read and reread and underlined and dog-eared. If you have trouble deciding between a couple of them and want to ask me any questions, please feel free to email me.

I may add more books as time goes by & I continue to read more good books on these subjects. I know there are a lot more out there that I haven't read. Feel free to pass on to me any recommendations you have, too.

Depression

Anxiety

Adrenal Fatigue

Thyroid, Adrenal and Hormone Imbalances

Endocrine Disorders Series Part 4: The Vitamin Store

2010-11-12T18:16:00.008-05:00

Endocrine disorders require a doctor's help and lifestyle changes, but in this post I want to talk about the fact that I have found a lot of relief from vitamins, herbs and supplements. As you look at the list, I want to let you know I don't take every single thing on the list every single day. Some of them are sort of "as needed." Before I give you the list of what's helped me, I want to give you Natalie's Rules For Taking Supplements:

1) Only add one new thing at a time. You and your doctor can't figure out what is helping and what is hurting if you add too many new things at once. Watch your body's symptoms and assess how you feel after taking a supplement for a few days. There are a few vitamins you won't feel much of a difference from, such as multi-vitamins. In those cases, keep taking the vitamins, even if you don't feel it's helping. Other supplements started helping me right away (like I seriously felt better 5 minutes later!)- like inositol and 5HTP. You can also get your integrative physician to run lab tests to see if you are deficient in certain vitamins or minerals. If you find out you are deficient, obviously keep taking the vitamin until you are told not to.

2) When you run out of a supplement, go a few days and see if the imbalance has been corrected. See if you feel fine without it. If you don't, you can get a new bottle and continue taking it. And if you feel better, by all means be free of the supplement!

3) Do not buy "any old" vitamins at Wal-Mart or the grocery store. Find a source that you trust. I like buying vitamins from Swanson Vitamins, but by all means, do your own research and do what's best in your mind.

4) Most vitamins should be taken with food, but read the label. A number of vitamins are fat-soluble, which means they only become useful to your body by dissolving in fat, so trying to eliminate all fat from your diet is actually unhealthy!

5) Ask your doctor before taking any vitamins or supplements listed here or anywhere else. This is not meant to be medical advice for you or anyone else. This is just a list of what has helped me. You never know if a vitamin that seems harmless but may clash with some medical situation that you have.

I have taken my research from many, many sources on the internet, and from a ton of books that I will link to in another post. I have put an *astrisk* next to the most helpful ones for me in my experience.

Depression Supplements

*SAMe

Tyrosine, *5HTP, and/or DL-Phenylalanine (DLPA) (read The Mood Cure first to see which one of these is right for your type of depression)

Free Form Amino Acid Supplement

Glutamine (The Mood Cure says this helps you not crave sugar. It is also good for muscle recovery and digestion.)

Hormone Balancing

Phosphytidal Choline

*Inositol (high dose- I take 12 grams/day)

*DIM

*Evening Primrose Oil

*Dong Quai

D-Calcium Glucarate

*Magnesium Taurate (high dose if you have high cholesterol and/or high blood pressure)

Vitamin E

Anxiety

*Magnesium Citrate

L-Theanine

Passion Flower

*GABA

Glycine (helps muscle repair, too.)

To Get Over A Cold

*Goldenseal Root (do not take longer than a week or 2)

Curcumin

Adrenal

Pantothenic Acid

Trace Minerals

Vitamin B6

*Ashwaganda, Cordyceps & Eulethero

Vitamin C (high dose- like 3000-4000 if you can tolerate it)

Milk Thistle

B Complex

L-Proline

Alpa Lipoic Acid

Hair Loss

Biotin

PCOS

N-Acetyl Cysteine

Inositol

*Bioidentical Progesterone

Cinnamon

Chromium

Everyone Should Take

Probiotic

Fish Oil

CoQ10 (helps your body absorb the fish oil)

Multi-Vitamin

Vitamin D 2000-5000 iu

Strong Immune System

American Ginseng

N-Acetyl Cysteine

Heartburn

*Betaine HCl

DGL Licorice

Arthritis

*MSM

Glucosamine Condroitin

Energy

*Grape Seed Extract

Taurine (it's an antioxidant, also)

*Green Tea Extract (it's an antioxidant, also.)

Insomnia

5HTP (for me it works best without vitamin B6 that is sometimes included)

*Melatonin

Hops

*Valerian Root

Any of the supplements on the Anxiety List

My Kids Take

Fish Oil

Multi-vitamin with probiotic and greens

Vitamin D 1000 iu

Endocrine Disorders Series Part 3: Adrenal Fatigue In A Nutshell

2010-11-11T18:11:00.005-05:00

Whether or not you know it, probably all of you reading this have experienced adrenal fatigue to one extent or another. Basically, unless you live inside a spa in Hawaii and have a fairy godmother, you've probably experienced your fair bit of stress. My favorite book on Adrenal Fatigue's explains how broad the problem is: Adrenal Fatigue, the 21st Century Stress Syndrome. Adrenal Fatigue revolves around how your body handles stress. And yes, you guessed it. We think our bodies can put up with how-ever-much stress (physical and emotional) we throw at it, but no, it can't.

MY STORY

This is how I became sick with adrenal fatigue: no sleep in high school, no sleep in college, especially in college, eating like crap and pulling all-nighters. Then law school was the king grand-daddy of stress and not taking care of yourself. Experts say adrenal fatigue can take up to 10 years to develop, and this is where it really started for me. I would have panic attacks in law school because I was under so much pressure. During law school I got married (good stress, but stress nonetheless), then my dad died, then 9/11 happened, the DC Sniper and Hurricane Isabel. Very difficult to go through for someone with anxiety, but no counseling, no help whatsoever. I would just tell myself to "buck up." I had Eli the next year. I didn't know this at the time, but Eli has a disorder that made him SCREAM and SCREAM as a baby and toddler for no reason (the reason was: he didn't want anything to touch him- even fabric or my own hands touching him & he would get over stimulated... the disorder is called Sensory Processing Disorder.) The stress of a screaming toddler and brand new baby Mia pushed me to the point of almost having a nervous breakdown.

The nail in the coffin was over-exercising. What I didn't know then was that the little cortisol I had left all went towards healing and muscle repair from my exercise sessions, and none for average every day stress demands. My immune system started to break down, and last fall I kept getting sick and just could not get better. I got 5 sinus infections in a row before I could take no more and finally went to see an integrative physician because no one else could help me!

And I would ask myself why I couldn't handle all the stress without getting depressed or sick or anxious. "Other moms" can do hard things, why can't I? I expected way too much of myself even for a healthy person, but I had no idea at the time that my body's physiological ability to handle stress was in danger of completely pooping out on me.

PHYSIOLOGY

So from a gal that hasn't had a science class since 1991, here's a crack at explaining what the adrenal glands do.

First of all, they are located in the back of your body, just above your waist, one above each kidney. The adrenal gland is about the size of a grape, and it has 2 sections. The adrenal cortex is the outer region, where cortisol is secreted, and the inner region where adrenaline is secreted. Cortisol and adrenaline are both good and bad. They are mostly useful in fight or flight situations. The problem is that the way our lives are in the 21st Century, our bodies are tricked into thinking that every 5 minutes we have a life or death situation, and the adrenal gland works overtime.

When I had gestational diabetes, I learned that your body will not produce insulin forever. It can run out if too much is used by continually eating sugar. If you eat enough sugar, you WILL get diabetes. The adrenal glands work the same way. When we have stress, cortisol is released to help the body deal with it. But if we stress too much, or if your adrenal glands are genetically predisposed to be a little weak, you WILL run out of cortisol at some point. But as the adrenal glands weaken, the warning sign they give is the overproduction of cortisol.

Stage 1 of Adrenal Fatigue is cortisol overproduction. In Stage 2, cortisol will start to decline, and you will feel a little fatigue during the day. Stage 3, the exhaustion will really set in, and your sex hormones, and other important hormones will become imbalanced, as well. If things get worse from there, Stage 4 is total collapse, meaning heart failure.

Cortisol does the following things for your body:

1) It increases the blood sugar in your body. This was good when we were running away from the dinosaurs. Our body needed energy during Emergency Life or Death situations. But it is really bad in our day and age. High blood sugar just means a huge belly, and pre-diabetes.

2) It is an anti-inflammatory hormone, commonly known as a corticosteroid. In the later stages of adrenal fatigue, you will notice that injuries are not healing as they should, or your allergic reactions are out of control (swelling) or you continue to have sinus or bronchial trouble (everything is inflamed). This is also why people with adrenal fatigue are likely to also develop auto-immune conditions.

3) Too much cortisol can stop the white (good) blood cells from multiplying. Lots of white blood cells means a strong immune system. Therefore, lots of cortisol means a weak immune system.

4) Cortisol causes vasoconstriction, which means increased blood pressure. Someone in the later stages of adrenal fatigue, as cortisol declines will probably have chronically low blood pressure. (But I didn't. I had HIGH blood pressure when my cortisol was almost at zero. The lab result of my salivary cortisol test was the lowest they'd ever seen at that doctor's office.)

Now you know why they call cortisol the hormone of death.

TREATMENT

This all sounds really horrible so far, right? So why aren't we able to go to our regular traditional neighborhood doctor and get treated for it?

1) There is no diagnostic code (what doctors are constrained by thanks to health insurance companies) for adrenal fatigue. The closest thing is Addison's Disease, a much more serious and rare disease where the adrenals underproduce cortisol (usually due to extreme things like overuse of steroids, surgical removal of adrenal glands or other extreme strain on the adrenal glands.) Based on the symptoms I listed in Part 2 of this blog series, yet knowing I don't have Addison's disease, wouldn't you definitely say I needed help from a doctor? All I got was a head shake and maybe some rolled eyes. This is why you need to find an integrative physician.

2) When a doctor does give you a test to check your cortisol levels, they will only give you a blood test. Many believe that blood tests for cortisol (and thyroid and sex hormones, too, for that matter) are less accurate. What you want is a salivary cortisol test. Blood tests measure the cortisol level in the bloodstream. Hormones like cortisol don't perform in the bloodstream. They act on the tissue level at their target sites. Saliva testing is better because it measures the level of hormone not bound to blood proteins. (More information can be found in this book.) There is no way of knowing simply by looking at your symptoms whether your cortisol is too high or too low. Symptoms of high cortisol versus low cortisol are extremely similar. The best thing to do is ask for a salivary cortisol test and see exactly where you are at.

3) Many believe that natural remedies have been almost eradicated from medical practice because no one gets rich off of them. Natural remedies are definitely the key to getting better from Adrenal Fatigue. Prescription Prednisone (and similar drugs like hydrocorisone, etc.) made me sicker. Non-prescription natural cortisol and adaptogenic herbs have changed my life.

4) There is a clash in the school of thought between integrative physicians and traditional doctors. Traditional doctors are taught in medical school that you can only have a glandular disorder (like adrenal or thyroid) if your lab test results are in a certain specific, narrow range. The "normal" range is so broad, that there are people like me that are told, "You are not sick, you are healthy. Go home." Integrative physicians believe that you can have "a little bit" of a glandular disorder. For example, the MD I see has given me medicine for hypothyroid even though my regular GP tested me and concluded I was normal. My integrative physician looks at more detailed tests, and looks at symptoms, not just lab results.

Note: Instead of doing detailed posts about Hypothyroid and PCOS, I will refer you to these sites for more info. Click here for Hypothyroid. Click here for PCOS.

Stay tuned for more tips on how to cope and heal from these problems.

Planning Some Christmas Crafts or Treats?

2010-11-10T14:52:00.007-05:00

What are you all planning this year as far as holiday treats or crafts? Any ideas to share? We made these Snowman Cupcakes for Eli's Kindergarten Christmas Party a few years ago.

Here's how we did it:

You will need:

Junior Mints (top of the hat)
Grasshopper Cookies (bottom of the hat)
Large Marshmallows (head and chest of snowman)
Chocolate Sprinkles (the eyes)
Orange Peanuts (cut up and make noses)
Fruit Roll Ups (cut up and make scarves)
Pretzel Sticks (arms and the "stem" to attach to the cupcake)
Any Type of Cupcakes
White Frosting (attach the hat together and the nose, and "glue" the 2 marshmallows together)
White Sprinkles ("snow" on the cupcake)

Endocrine Disorders Series Part 2: Narrowing Down Your Symptoms

2010-11-09T21:12:00.003-05:00

So you know you don't feel right. Or you have a constellation of symptoms that your gut tells you are related, but you don't know how or why. Or maybe you have these symptoms, and you or your doctor are attributing them to some other cause, but no remedies are fixing it. Maybe this will help you put your finger on it. Some of the symptoms overlap, and that is because these different metabolic systems work together and influence one another. Skipping ahead a bit- you might be asking which imbalance should you worry about fixing first- definitely adrenal, if you have many of those symptoms. Also, I linked to some other places to scan for symptoms. There are actually quite a few out there on the internet. Google is also great, of course. (my best friend.) I just picked one link for each condition. Feel free to research further, if you need to.

Also some of this is a bit TMI, but you know. Go ahead and be jealous.

Adrenal Fatigue Symptoms

What I Experienced

- fatigue so bad, that I could drink a 5 hour energy drink in the morning, then go back to sleep and sleep all day

- anxiety (this can get pretty bad, too!)

- feeling like you are having a nervous breakdown all the time

- feeling of impending doom for no reason

- allergies

- frequent colds/flu and/or frequent sinus and/or lung infections

- arthritis

- depression

- irritability/snapping/bad temper/rages

- difficulty concentrating

- insomnia

- inability to lose weight

- low libido

- doing anything to avoid confrontation because your ability to handle stress has dwindled to nothing

- feel much better after stress is relieved

- hypoglycemia

- belly fat

- feel much better after eating

- feel much worse between 3 and 5 pm

- crave salt

- PMS is EXTRA horrible

- hair loss

- nervousness, heart palpitations, panic attacks, fearfulness

- chronic diarrhea

- feel better after laying down

- hate hot weather

- heartburn

- injuries that never healed or remained inflamed despite physical therapy

Click Here For a More Detailed Symptom Profile

Hypo-Thyroid Symptoms

What I Experienced

- fatigue

- hair loss, also eyebrows & eyelashes starting to fall out

- dry skin

- achy muscles

- weight gain & absolute & complete inability to lose weight

- when I was too hot, my body had a hard time cooling me off. When I was too cold, my body had a hard time warming me back up.

- sluggish digestion

- sluggish memory

- blurry vision (but the doctor says you have 20/20 vision)

- exercise intolerance (at a certain elevated heart rate, I felt awful like I was going to die or faint)
- prescription anti-depressants wouldn't work (I tried EIGHT different ones)

- high cholesterol

- complete lack of motivation

- broken/peeling and all kinds of weirdness with fingernails

- fluid retention/puffy face

- tightness in throat

- not wanting to wear necklaces/not wanting anything to touch your neck

- feeling in general like someone let all the air out of your tires

Click Here For a More Detailed Symptom Profile

PCOS Symptoms

What I Experienced

- ultrasounds that confirmed I had cysts on my ovaries

- hair growth in places that no one wants it!

- hair loss

- messed up hormones in lab tests from your regular doctor

- weight gain & inability to lose weight despite all your very best efforts

- insulin resistance confirmed by a lab test from your regular doctor

- high cholesterol

- high blood pressure

- heavy periods

- depression & anxiety

- irregular ovulation

- skin tags

Click Here For a More Detailed Symptom Profile

Hormonal Imbalance Symptoms (Here I am Describing Estrogen Dominance/Progesterone Deficiency)

What I Experienced

- polycystic ovaries

- water retention

- moodiness

- swollen breasts

- super strong cramps during menstruation

- reduced libido

- the worst depression

- insomnia

- weight gain

- magnesium deficiency diagnosed through lab tests

- extreme irritability

- iron deficiency anemia diagnosed through lab tests

Click Here For a More Detailed Symptom Profile

Excellent, Excellent Info on Estrogen Dominance (and all other metabolic disorders that I have mentioned)

Stay tuned for the next couple posts that will list out some resources I found helpful for each of these conditions.

Endocrine Disorders Series Part 1: Finding A Doctor

2010-11-08T11:57:00.007-05:00

I have had a tough time the past 6 years with my health. I have talked a lot about the mental, but I haven't talked about the physical. I view the situation as a trial that God is not taking away from me because I'm supposed to learn something. Probably there's more than 1 thing I'm supposed to learn. Who knows the reasons we have problems that really upset us and even tempt us to really give up. But one "reason" I feel God has given me is that I'm supposed to share my journey, and hopefully help someone going through the same things, so they won't have to suffer as long as I did before they found some things that will help. It's like a bloggy service project!

I suffer from adrenal fatigue, hypothyroid, vitamin D deficiency, estrogen dominance (see my prior blog post), PCOS, and a few other fun problems that are compliments of the problems I mentioned, such as high cholesterol, high triglycerides, high blood sugar, pre-diabetes, messed up hormone levels (pregnenolone & DHEA,) and magnesium deficiency.

The reason I haven't blogged about it before is that it's like, "where do I start???" I have decided to do a bunch of blog posts covering everything from what your symptoms would be if you have an adrenal problem (or the other situations I mentioned,) to what resources I have used to feel better for each of these problems.

The thing that has helped me the most is switching from a traditional doctor to a doctor that uses both traditional medicine and alternative methods, such as herbs, vitamins, supplements, etc. This type of medicine can also be called integrative, holistic, or complimentary medicine. I have found that doctors that use both traditional and integrative medicine have a different philosophy for treating endocrine disorders such as adrenal and thyroid problems.

The basic difference is this: if you go to a regular doctor, they will ignore almost all endocrine symptoms you are complaining of and treat you directly from lab results. My lab results said everything was great and normal. But I didn't feel great and normal! I felt like half a person! If you go to an integrative physician, they will look at both your symptoms and lab results, and they ask for EXTRA labs, that normal doctors don't ask for, AND they believe that traditional doctors interpret these lab results too narrowly. For example, my thyroid numbers were normal. But my integrative physician asked for extra labs that look more carefully at the T3 thyroid hormone, and she wanted it to be a higher number than the medical institution says is normal. The integrative doctors are all pretty much on the same page with this. It's like they are looking at different research that the traditional doctors either don't know about or are choosing to ignore/turn their noses up at. It sounds harsh, but this has been my experience!

I wanted to link to some good search engines for helping people find integrative physicians in your own area, but I think the best thing to do is google "integrative physician" or something like that and see what you find. If you have trouble, let me know in the comments, or send me an email, and I would be happy to help you search the web for a referral. Be prepared, of course, to pay a little extra. Most integrative physicians do not take insurance, which simply means it will be an "out of network" doctor. Your insurance will pay a portion, most likely.

A point I wanted to make is: don't be afraid to change doctors if they are not listening to you and helping you! First you might want to try insisting on specific lab tests or asking a lot of questions. Come to your appointments having fully read up on your condition. Spend some time on the internet, and list your symptoms. Here's a shocker: doctors can be wrong sometimes! It's happened to me plenty of times. How many times has our gut told us our child has an ear infection? We take them to the doctor, then are sent away saying they're fine, only to bring them back a few days later when their ear drum has burst, and we're going, "I told you so!" It's been the same thing with me and my endocrine problems. I knew something wasn't right, but no one would listen to me. Here's my favorite response from doctors: "I can't find anything wrong with you. Here you go- here's a prescription for anti-depression medication." Condescendingly patting you on the head (get out of my office, lady.)

I've switched doctors a few times when I was going to a traditional doctor, and I've even switched my integrative physician once & I'm not afraid to switch again. I am my own health advocate, and I deserve to feel well & I will do what it takes to accomplish this!

The Return of the Craft Obsession

2010-10-31T18:48:00.005-04:00

Last week I didn't know how to crochet. This week I made these! We had an Activity Day Girls activity where we were teaching the girls how to crochet squares to give to charity (the organization accepts crocheted squares & makes blankets out of them for the needy.) Then as I was randomly flipping through peoples' family photos on facebook, I realized a lot of little girls were wearing crocheted flowers in their hair & THEN I realized I needed to have a new craft obsession. Voilá!

Reason #101 to love NYC

2010-09-13T17:18:00.003-04:00

We had an awesome 10th anniversary celebration without kids for a few days in New York City last week before school started, and we ate breakfast at a famous bagel restaurant called Ess-a-bagel. I'm now making myself hungry posting the pictures. It was so good!

We had the funniest Jewish old man helping us. I feel compelled to share. The conversation went something like this (picture a thick Jewish/New York accent... obviously!):

Jewish Old Man: (seeing Natalie) You brought me an angel! (seeing Chris) Oh, I see you brought your father with you!

Chris & Natalie: (laughing)

Jewish Old Man: Where are you from?

Chris: DC

Jewish Old Man: NO YA NOT!

Chris: Originally from Utah.

Jewish Old Man: I KNEW it. Where are all ya wives?

Chris & Natalie: (laughing)

Jewish Old Man: do you want ya bagels toasted? (pause) HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chris & Natalie: Ahem, yes, toasted! Sorry!

Jewish Old Man: What we do here is go as slow as we can so a line forms. That way people figure it's a great place to eat! Uh oh. The line is getting shorter. I better go slower.

Chris: Do you have raspberry cream cheese?

Jewish Old Man: Not unless you wanna wait 10 months for raspberry season. (To Natalie) If he gives you a hard time, you come see me.

Jewish Old Man: Where do women with big bosoms work? Hooters. Where do one-legged women work? IHOP. I'm workin' hard here for my tip. You owe me one dollar.

What To Do If You're Depressed

2010-08-04T12:39:00.013-04:00

"Everyone has a book in them," says one of my mentors, Marla Cilley. And at this point in my life, the book inside me, if it ever came out, would DEFINITELY be about depression and how to beat the monster. So since I can't write a book, this is a warning that the following post might be a little long!

I feel mentally, like a boxing champion that has just delivered the final blow to the enemy, depression. Yes, I need to keep my boxing gloves beside me, just in case I need to keep teaching it a lesson, but the victory is- I'm not scared of it anymore, I know what it is and I know what to do to keep it at bay or make it go completely away. Bodies and body chemistry are constantly changing, so there's still more to learn, I'm sure, as I go through life, but I'd like to share what I've learned with you, because I hate more than anything the thought that something simple I could share would help someone feel 100% better, but the information never gets shared! There have been times that I've been desperate to make depressed feelings go away and I type into Google, "what to do when you're depressed" and nothing satisfactory comes up. So now that I've done all the trial and error and searching for you, I'm putting something out there for those of you searching.

So there are 5 different angles from which I have approached my depression or another way of thinking about it is 5 different types of ammo to fight it with. The 5 types of ammo are:

#1 SUPPLEMENTS

#2 COGNITIVE-BEHAVIORAL THERAPY

#3 OTHER TYPES OF THERAPY AND COUNSELING INCLUDING WORKING ON TOXIC SHAME

#4 LIFESTYLE CHANGES

#5 SPIRITUALITY

(As a short cut, click on any category above, and it will jump to the text below if you don't want to read the whole thing!)

I have researched these things for a long time because it was important to me to get as close as I could to the source of the problem, and not just cover-up symptoms with band-aids and have the problems continue to come back.

So let's talk about #1 SUPPLEMENTS first.

What has made the biggest difference was balancing my hormones. I knew intuitively that this depression was related to hormones because it all started at the end of my pregnancy with Mia and ever since she was born, I just haven't felt the same. I didn't use a doctor to balance my hormones. The only doctors that are even willing to test your sex hormones for balancing are integrative, forward-thinking doctors, and they usually do not take any type of health insurance. After I had decided what to do, did it, and saw it work wonderfully, I actually finally went to this type of doctor, and she just confirmed through lab tests that what I was doing was correct and working.

I'm going to share with you what I take, but please talk to your doctor, before you take any supplements, just to make sure there are not any contra-indications for any health situations you may be experiencing. Or if you're me, your GP says, "supplements? oh there fine. take whatever you want." So I was forced to research on my own what to take and how much and side effects to look for, etc. Also- I'm sure a blog post like this needs a disclaimer, so why don't I get it overwith? ;)

This is not a substitute for any recommendations from your doctor. If you are on any medication, please don't stop or start anything new without talking to your doctor. I'm not a doctor, or trying to prescribe anything for you, I'm simply sharing what I'm doing and my own experiences with depression. There you go!

So from researching, I found out I am "Estrogen-dominant" or "Progesterone-deficient." This is very common among women. It's not like I suffer from a rare weird hormone disorder or something. The reason why I chose to share this on the blog is that I think many, many people suffer from this but have no idea it exists. The symptoms listed for those conditions matched up perfectly to what I was experiencing. You can read about them here. So I decided to take bio-identical progesterone from a source I trusted. You can find out about estrogen dominance by searching on google. If you do that, basically a million articles pop up and choose any of them. Similarly, you can get on google and type, "how progesterone fights depression" and find a lot of resources. Part of what I learned when I was researching this was that anti-depressants actually work by trying to mock the effects of progesterone. I'd rather go to the real thing. Progesterone also works wonders with anxiety. I take this type of progesterone every night before I go to bed (all at once instead of throughout the day) because it is so calming. I had to start with an EXTREMELY low dose and work up. Too much made the estrogen even more dominant, and I would feel even more depressed. From this book, I learned to take a supplement to minimize that phenomenon. There are also others listed in the book, it is a great book, worth a read. One of them, co-incidentally is inositol. This is the supplement I mentioned in my post a year ago that was helping so much. Now I understand why! It was giving me a break from the estrogen dominance, but I needed to complete the puzzle by adding progesterone, etc.

One more tip- stay away from soy products!! And here's a hint- it's in everything! I was really sad I had to give up my favorite kind of Clif protein bars because of it. Soy is a phyto-estrogen. I don't feed my kids ANY soy. There are studies about soy causing early puberty in girls, and disrupts testosterone production in boys.

My most recent post was about the book, The Mood Cure by Julia Ross. This should be your bible if you want to fight depression with natural supplements. Below is a cheat sheet, but I STRONGLY recommend you pick up the book. There are other recommendations she mentions for diet and supplementation, more than is listed here. There are a few sections available on google books, if you want a sneak peek.

So in a nutshell, J ulia Ross says there are 4 different types of depression, and different corresponding supplements can help you. (There are questionnaires in the book to help you see if where you're at.) You can be more than one type, and it turns out, I had all 4 types of depression.

1) For anxiety, negative thinking, you need to take an amino acid called 5HTP. (For more detailed symptoms, see the book.) This is the most common type of depression. It means your brain does not have enough seratonin. 5HTP is a precursor to tryptophan, which is something that helps your brain make more seratonin. In the book, she also recommends eating a lot of animal protein. Animal protein contains protein with the highest content of tryptophan. If you are a vegetarian, and you are depressed, you may be able to fix this simply by adding animal protein to your diet. I am not a vegetarian, but I have added a free-form amino acid supplement to my supplement regimen, and I feel EVEN better. If you are looking for a free-form amino acid supplement, make sure you compare the ingredient list to Julia Ross' list of the 16 amino acids that your brain needs. The most important one you should see on the list is tryptophan.

2) For low motivation, apathy, low-energy type of depression, you need L-Tyrosine. This is also an amino acid. If you have this type of depression, your brain is having trouble making catecholamines. (Note: watch your blood pressure on this supplement.)

3) For feeling overwhelmed, stressed, unable to relax, etc., your brain is probably low in gaba-aminobutyric acid, or GABA. This amino acid is wonderful. I take it to be able to sleep. My husband takes it when he is dealing with our kids and about to emotionally snap. You could take it if you are nervous about a situation to get your nerves under control. It is natural remedy that you don't have to worry about getting addicted to, yet you still get the amazing results. Click here for a link to chewable GABA.

4) Julia Ross calls this next type, "Too sensitive for life's pains." You're weepy, sensitive and sad. This means your brain is low in endorphins. The supplement for this is DLPA. This has been fantastic for me. This supplement has stopped my DAILY headaches!!!!!!

Ok, let's talk about the next type of ammo,

# 2 COGNITIVE-BEHAVIORAL THERAPY (CBT)

This is the first thing I tried in 2008 after my bout with trying 8 different prescription medications, after all 8 of them failed. The thing that caught my eye about this therapy was the study that showed that this type of therapy actually changed brain chemistry! I knew my depression was serious and I had some serious bad brain chemistry. What happens when you have repetitive negative thoughts is that they make a path in your brain, and you get stuck, because that is the ONLY thought-path that there is! But this type of therapy teaches your brain to make brand new paths, through new ways of thinking. With the layman's education I have on brain chemistry, I'm afraid that's the best way I can explain it. I hope that makes sense.

But here is how CBT works. And by the way, you should DEFINITELY buy this book, Feeling Good by David Burns, and keep it on your nightstand, read it again and again, because your brain will get lazy and forget after a while. Your emotions result from illogical thoughts. There are 10 different categories in the errors we make in our thoughts that cause us to be depressed. What you do is identify the thought that is causing a bad emotion. See if there is an error and if it falls into one of these 10 categories. Then you have to write this down, and write down a response to it. Here are the 10 categories, in slightly different language than Burns uses in his book:

All-or-Nothing Thinking. "I have to do things perfectly, because anything less than perfect is a failure."
Disqualifying the Positives. "Life feels like one disappointment after another."
Negative Self -Labeling. "I feel like a failure. I'm flawed. If people knew the real me, they wouldn't like me."
Catastrophizing. "If something is going to happen, it'll probably be the worst case scenario."
Excessive Need for Approval. "I can only be happy if people like me. If someone is upset, it's probably my fault."
Mind Reading. "I can tell people don't like me because of the way they behave."
Should Statements. "People should be fair. If I'm nice to them, they should be nice back."
Disqualifying the Present. "I'll relax later. But first I have to rush to finish this."
Dwelling on Pain. “If I dwell on why I’m unhappy and think about what went wrong, maybe I’ll feel better.” Alternately, “If I worry enough about my problem, maybe I will feel better.”
Pessimism. “Life is a struggle. I don’t think we are meant to be happy. I don’t trust people who are happy. If something good happens in my life, I usually have to pay for it with something bad.”

Here's an example: I feel a little depressed and angry when someone gives me a compliment. I realize that my thoughts are saying, "They're only saying that to make conversation."And so I would write that down in one column, all the negative upsetting thoughts, being as honest and candid as possible, and you recognize that these thoughts fall under the category, "disqualifying the positive." Then in the next column, you write something that counters the negative thought, like, "My dress IS nice. They don't have to use that for conversation, they could talk about the weather." Continue until you think of as many arguments as you can for the negative thoughts.

#3 OTHER TYPES OF THERAPY AND COUNSELING INCLUDING WORKING ON TOXIC SHAME

I could not have uncovered many of the other bad habits of thought that I've had almost my whole life without counseling. One of the most difficult that I'm still working on is toxic shame. Toxic Shame is basically the "cover-up" that almost everyone uses from time to time to show the world that they are a good person. Toxic Shame is the tiny voice deep, deep inside you that says you are not a good or worthy person, that you aren't loved, or shouldn't be loved. This is a lie! What a discovery for me that your THOUGHTS CAN LIE TO YOU. Some people use drugs, alcohol, food addictions or shopping addictions to escape from feelings of toxic shame. Some people use accomplishments or busy-ness to escape or cover-up. Some people cover-up their feelings of shame by trying to appear perfect and flawless to others, never admitting they have struggles or trials. All of this cover-up is not going to make you happy. Working through these deep, deep foundational belief systems and attitudes is tough stuff. For my depression, it is the difference between getting my car simply vacuumed, and getting it detail cleaned- finding the dirt in the crevices and scrubbing the melted crayons out of the carpet, and finding the smashed raisins in surprise places. A book that has helped me with this is Healing The Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw.

#4 LIFESTYLE CHANGES

1) Exercise- One counselor I went to see doesn't even see clients unless they are exercising regularly. At the time, that helped me so much, I canceled all my appointments with her! It makes me feel so much better. It's well known that exercise gives you endorphins. Find the type of exercise that works well for you, and as long as you're doing SOMETHING, a little bit is ok! Infinitely better than nothing!

2) Diet- First, stay away from aspartame, sucralose, and other "fake sugars" (Nutrisweet, Splenda, etc.)- they are neuro-toxins. They are not going to help the depression situation at all. Second, Julia Ross is a wonderful persuasive advocate for staying away from sugar. Get the book and read it! Third, stay away from junk food. In this day in age, I'm sure you have to know what to stay away from! If not, read You! The Owner's Manual and You! On A Diet. There are so many books out there, but these are so reader-friendly, and a great place to start for people just learning about nutrition. My main mentor on what to eat and what not to eat is Leanne Ely. I listen to her internet radio show, subscribe to her menu-mailers, and we eat lots of fruits and vegetables, lean protein, fiber, nuts, legumes, healthy hormone-free dairy.

3) Sleep-the same thing that happened to me with prescription anti-depressants, happened to me with prescription sleeping medication. I would take something, it would work for a while, then my body would become tolerant and I would have to try something else. Finally, the doctor that was prescribing things was about to throw his hands up and give up. He had tried everything and I was running out of options. So about the same time I gave up on prescription anti-depressants, I also switched from prescription sleep medicine to natural remedies. This is what I currently take to get to sleep: inositol, progesterone, magnesium, and melatonin. If these don't work, I rotate between a few different herbs. Some that are helpful are valerian root, passion flower, and hops. This is a great product that contains a mixture of herbs. None of the herbs are addictive. I have heard that your body can occasionally get tolerant to valerian root, which is the reason I rotate. I am working through some other health problems, and I'm hoping that when I figure THAT all out, the sleep thing will get worked out, too. But the main point is that your brain will have a hard time functioning properly and overcoming depression if you are not getting any (or enough) sleep!!

I also recommend relaxing mp3's from this website. I listen to the one called "ZZZZZZZZ" every single night to get to sleep.

4) Environment, meaning how clean is your home and are you living in clutter? My favorite answer to this is the Flylad y system. The Flylady talks about forming routines, like how you brush your teeth every night, so that when you apply that to your house cleaning, it all gets on auto-pilot. If you've been depressed for a while, you might have forgotten how to keep your home running smoothly while you've been in a fog. So when you finally start feeling better, it's nice to have a game plan. Flylady also talks about beating perfection, not being mean to ourselves, and making chores fun. Some perfect answers to overcoming low moods, if you ask me!

5) Simplify- I had to overcome my pride and start saying no to things to force me to stop focusing on others and start healing myself. If I didn't, I couldn't be there for my kids and my husband, the most important people in my life. You might have to say no to things in order to exercise or get your house clean! You might have to say no to things so you can eat healthily or get to bed at a decent hour! You might have to reduce your church, PTA commitments or community service if they overwhelm you or cause anxiety. If you are doing this so you can actively work on your healing, I'm SURE that God and the community understand and fully support you! If you can't reduce your stress, think about other ways you could give yourself a break. Could you ease up on your perfectionism? My husband's work will be asking him to work extra hours all of August. This is a perfect opportunity to practice this principle for myself and think how I could make things simpler and easier in my life, so that the lack of help I'm used to having from him won't become too overwhelming.

6) Positive Brain Washing- there are many forms of this. I try to regularly watch and read things that make me LAUG H!! I also listen to guided relaxations, guided affirmations, and guided visualizations. My problem has been that when I try to fight negative thinking, I will write down a response, but I have a hard time getting my brain to accept it, believe it, and stick to it. My therapist recommended I write down some affirmations and read them to myself 3 times a day. For some reason, I just don't like them to be in my voice or my writing. Maybe that will come later. But for now, my favorite website is MyThoughtCoach.com. These mp3's along with ones at InnerHealthStudios.com have gotten me through some very rough times. My ipod is like my best friend! :)

I would say the top 2 action items I would tell you to do if you are having a VERY TOUGH TIME, would be to take 5HTP and/or go to InnerHealthStudios.com and listen to the mp3 that seems to fit your problem.

If, heaven forbid, you are having a true mental health emergency, call 911, or a suicide hotline.

#5 SPIRITUALITY

As I have been struggling, for the past 6 years, and slowly getting better, I can't omit in my story, the dependence I've had on God. I've had so many blessings I don't know how to count them. I've prayed for help and healing. When you're depressed, it's hard to feel anything positive, and that includes spiritual feelings, the feeling and comfort and security of God's love. I had to trust and know that even though I couldn't feel it, it was still there. I feel like God has guided me to find the counselor I needed, the supplements I needed, and the self-help books I needed. Without God, I'm nothing. I feel like my religion teaches the true way of life that leads to happiness. Having these values is the literal, basic recipe for happiness.

Don't give up! You deserve to feel well and you'll find something that works for you, too, as you search and work and experiment with the tips I've mentioned. If you have any questions about my experiences, as I mentioned, I'm not an expert, but I'd be happy to share more with you. You can email me at natalia_sp [AT] yahoo [DOT] com.

Five Star Book Review

2010-06-02T15:24:00.004-04:00

I would recommend this book not only for people struggling with depression, anxiety, OCD, that type of thing, but also for overstressed, overwhelmed people, and for people with mild depression- sort of low-energy/apathetic type of feeling. I think everyone should read it because the chances are extremely high that you will need the things you learn for yourself at some point in your life or for someone you love. You might even be suffering needlessly, telling yourself it's "normal" and that you just need to "buck up." Or maybe you feel just fine as long as you can stuff your sorrows/stresses down your throat with cookies and chocolate. Yep, you need to read this book!!

This is definitely the best book I have ever read on depression. Partly because the nutrition and supplement recommendations in it are RIGHT ON. I have been like the human experiment and can testify that it works, and it works FAST, like in 5 or 10 minutes. I have mentioned before that I found a supplement that helped me, but similar to anti-depressant medicines in the past, it worked real well at first, then the effect was a lot less. After reading this book, I now understand why, and I have been able to add things to my vitamin/supplement regiment that have fixed the problem longer-term. I feel like wearing a T-shirt that says, "Vitamins and Supplements Saved My Life." I constantly want to recommend supplements to friends, but this book is the perfect thing to help you not just take supplements willy-nilly because your hair dresser told you to or the other mom at soccer practice told you to, but when you read it you will be able to line up your symptoms with the correct supplement, and you are zero-ing in on the exact root cause of your mood problem.

Julia Ross' writing is down-to-earth and readable, very persuasive, and the research seems to be impeccable. And again, I think EVERYONE in the entire world should read this book. Taking some of the supplements she recommends for depression should be as much common knowledge as taking a Tylenol for a headache!!!

I am completely on board with the author's philosophy that food in this country isn't what it used to be. This is a very common conclusion in the alternative/holistic health world. But the research is there. Our protein doesn't have as much tryptophan in it so our brains can have seratonin, and our produce just doesn't have the vitamins & minerals in it that it used to. Like I said, this needs to be common knowledge. And after you get a bit of that education, you get to stop beating yourself up for "STILL" not feeling well like you "SHOULD." I really enjoyed the book's format with plenty of trouble-shooting guides, and even a section on how to break an addiction to sugar and carbs.

Depression update for me: Even though at the moment, it's the same story with some good days and some bad, at least I am getting more and more educated on why that is and how I can fix it. Let's put it this way: I did a little curtain washing and ironing project the other day, and DH says to me, "Are you feeling better today? Whenever the iron comes out, you know you've got to be probably feeling a lot better!"

One more recommendation- you can fix a lot of physical and mental problems with nutrition alone, too. This is a great podcast, which is an interview with a nutritionist you may have heard of, JJ Virgin, that gives an overview of food sensitivities and whether that could possibly be the problem. The recording is a little soft. You will definitely need to wear headphones and turn up the volume, but it's great info.

Affirmations as Art

2010-02-05T20:44:00.003-05:00

Back in November, I drafted this post, and I never published it because there was something wrong with the formatting, & I was too perfectionistic to share it "un-perfectly." But I think I will just share it. :) Email if you want copies of these quotes to print out. :)

I was just reading this Ensign article, and I loved the messages about the lies in our thoughts, and how to correct them. Some of those are just the ones I struggle with. I was inspired to create some artistic arrangements of the quotes from the article. I'm not the best at this, but I just think this type of thing is so much fun. I printed them out & put them around my house where I will see them often.

Too Busy Cooking to Take Photos But...

2009-12-03T16:33:00.004-05:00

I stole these photos from my cousin, Staci & her husband, Ryan, who came to visit us for Thanksgiving. Everything was pretty good, but I learned some things (the hard way) about keeping stuff from getting too dry in the oven. It was fun to be a host this year!

I need to share my favorite surprise, though. I don't usually do cranberry sauce or anything like that. But this year we had homemade Cranberry Sorbet with our ice cream maker. It totally hit the spot. Especially when it's a little more enjoyable to have something light and tart when you're so full instead of more stuff that is super rich & heavy (but I don't think I'll stop making pies, though. It seems a bit un-American!)

Cranberry Sorbet (adapted from Essential Mormon Celebrations Cookbook)

2 cups (1/2 pound) fresh cranberries

1 1/2 cups water

1 cup sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons cran-raspberry jello powder

1/4 cup cold water

Juice of 1 lemon

In a saucepan, cook cranberries in 1 1/2 cups water over medium heat until skins pop. Press through sieve or strainer (You are trying to achieve a very light puree. Don't skip this step & try doing it in the blender because your sorbet will be grainy if you do.) Add sugar and stir until dissolved. Soften gelatin in cold water, about 5 minutes. Add to warm cranberry puree and stir. Cool. Stir in lemon juice. Place mixture into an ice cream maker and allow it to do its magic until the mixture starts turning light pink and is the consistency of soft serve ice cream. Transfer to another container and freeze.

Hope your Thanksgiving was great! Did you have any funny mishaps in the kitchen? :)

I just can't keep things a surprise

2009-10-18T22:25:00.004-04:00

I've been hesitating to share these because some of you will see one of these as our Christmas card, but we got our pictures taken with the extended family in Utah this past August, and they turned out really well. Might I recommend Susan Richins Photography to any of you in Utah? One thing I liked about her was not only did she have the expertise & equipment to take beautiful photos, but she was good at coaching us to stand a certain way, or got our kids to stop fake smiling, so we ended up liking the finished products. She sent me these that I could share on the web.

Which do you think would make a good Christmas card?

Create

2009-08-20T21:00:00.003-04:00

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf speaking to the women of the church: "The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. You don't need money, position, or influence in order to create something of substance or beauty."

I came across this little Mormon Messages video at a very timely moment. I had heard a little while ago that if you pay attention to your dreams, they are actually telling you about a part of yourself that you may be suppressing, and it is fighting to get free. So when I did this for the past three days, the first night I dreamed of one of my mom's aunts, Vesta Crawford, who was close to me like a grandma. She was a published writer, poet and researcher. For me, I think this symbolizes how much I enjoy writing. The second night I dreamed about brightly colored chalk and crayons. Hmmm- I wonder what that could symbolize? Last night I dreamed about family photos. I really think it means scrapbooking. If this kept going, I wonder if night after night I would just keep dreaming about sewing, home decorating, dancing... and on and on! :) Then today I saw this video and it was just all too fitting. This believer in serendipity thinks it's a direct message from God to me.

Creativity has always been a part of my life, but lately trying to take care of myself & my family has taken all my time & energy. I didn't realize until now that taking a little time for creativity could be a part of taking care of myself. And President Uchtdorf's words are so encouraging. Well, this is my attempt to go ahead and go down this path- I blogged! I know it's been a while, but hey- I obeyed the dreams & I started writing. We'll have to see what else I can do to make the creative muses feel more comfortable around here.

Aargh. Ugh. Ewwww!!!

2009-06-08T21:06:00.003-04:00

I have had a BAD day.

The usual people I vent to (my mom & sister) were not answering their phones, so I decided to vent this to you all!!

Well, as is often the case, I set myself up for failure by staying up too late reading the Twilight Saga (just finished New Moon and starting Eclipse... I'm a Jacob Fan... anything else you want to discuss about Twilight? :)

I vaguely remember yelling down to Eli from my bedroom to go ahead and leave for the bus. I was that tired this morning.

Mia and I headed off for the gym, and THAT part of my day was great. I did my intervals on the elliptical, and I did great! I went 2.61 miles, 32 minutes, average heart rate 147, peak heart rate 180,* calories burned 698. (Loving my No Excuses Workouts Software.) It felt really good. I was sweating my butt off, remembering a quote I read once inside an athletic wear store, "It's not sweat, it's your fat cells crying." So there you go.

I decided to get smoothies for Mia and I so I could have some post-workout protein. So we head out to the car & I had my hands full of stuff, load Mia in the car and promptly drove off with my smoothie on the roof of my car!!!!!! :(

The other problem was that it was SO HOT! Or at least it felt significantly more humid & oppressive than the past few beautiful days. I just couldn't breathe & I felt nauseous. I hate summer for that reason. I start to feel claustrophobic and I hate the heat. Plus a lot of added stress related to having the kids home all the time and the pressure to entertain them in the dreaded blasted heat and ... oh I could go on. But I think it's also something biochemical with me. And because it somehow validates my suffering, I found some articles on that here, here, and here if you're at all curious or interested.

Mia and I also stopped by Eli's school on the way to the gym for something PTA related. It brings to mind that I'm so stressed out with the PTA. It's something I'm committed to that I want to get out of. I am trying to figure out a way to not be in charge next year of the things I'm in charge of this year. It has taken way too much of my time. I'd rather volunteer on a case by case basis when I have time. You know? I really want to make sure I'm involved, but not trapped into more than I bargained for. This is a really bad time for me to be lessening the amount I can do for the PTA because we just had a boundary change with the elementary schools in the area that leaves us with almost zero PTA. It's really sad, actually.

Then honestly because I was beginning to feel horrible emotionally & physically from the heat, I considered not bringing Eli to his tennis class. And you guessed it, I didn't listen to myself. I went & regretted it. My plan was to let him go to his class while I sat in the air conditioned car. Well, I'm taking some medication because I just got diagnosed with PCOS, and my stomach started imploding (dang side effects of Metformin, or maybe I really did have heat stroke?). I spent the next 30 minutes in the bathroom, barely able to walk out and say to Eli he needed to grab his racket and leave early.

Other highlights to the day: a fight with the pediatrician's office's administrator- her saying they never give antibiotics for tick bites. Me saying a friend of mine got antibiotics from a pediatrician at your office and urged me to make this call because it was a necessary prophylactic step against Lyme disease! Anybody know any pediatricians I can go to?

Luckily, Chris was home early enough to take Mia to her dance class, so I didn't have to hang out the whole time in the bathroom at the dance studio. And he was also an angel and made dinner. I was so starving from not having eaten lunch and not having kept down any of my breakfast. But guess what we found in his beautiful stir fry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A beetle!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and can I cheat and add something sucky that happened yesterday? ANOTHER woman at church asked me if I was expecting a baby. Nope. No baby!! No baby!!! And more abuse, too. She was like, "Well, are you done having kids?" "I don't know, but I'm done having this conversation! Good bye!" Just that morning I was celebrating the milestone of 17 pounds lost... And the timing of that...

So I'm definitely not going to end this bad day by eating cookies & sweet rolls like I want to. Oh ok, I'll admit it's partially because my stomach is killing me! What do you all do to make yourselves feel better after extremely sucky days?

*I wear a heart rate monitor on my wrist to follow an interval plan. The No Excuses Workout System personalizes a plan for you like "Warm up for 5 minutes at heart rate 142, then do an interval for 4 min. at 157, then rest for 2 min. at 142, etc." Don't worry. I have a high anaerobic threshold (AT). I'm not headed for the ER or anything. :) The AT means the heart rate where your perceived exertion is at an 8.5 on a scale of 1 to 10. That's only for your last interval. I did accidentally go a little above my threshold of 172 because I just felt so good. It's probably a good thing. :)

Put it to a Vote

2009-05-31T20:59:00.004-04:00

Which hair style do you like best on our little 6 year old Eli?

Choice A) How he's had it for a long time. This style came about because Eli's hair is the same texture as the straw at the end of the broom that you sweep with. Longer hair just always looked so unkempt on him.

Choice B) This style came about because Eli said all his friends have BANGS. Couldn't he please have longer bangs, and just keep the sides short? So we let the top grow out a bit, but it's high maintenance. No more of this rolling out of bed & straight to school. This style was my attempt to spike the bangs in the front. His hair is really thick & the gel was just not holding it up as much as I'd like, but you get the idea...

Choice C) The ever-popular faux-hawk. The past few weeks we've had to really build Eli's courage to wear this style to school. I tried to point out all the little boys with this style at church, but he doesn't completely believe me. I know he feels self-conscious. But it's cute, though, right?

Choice D) Because "longer bangs" are higher maintenance, we have been trying to teach Eli how to comb his hair by himself. He can't do the faux hawk or the spiky bangs. This is what he comes up with:

Choice E) This is not a great photo, but Chris knows how to comb Eli's hair really well. I think Chris' hair is similar texture, and he can comb it really well, like a little handsome dude. The bangs are spiked here, but just picture something a long the lines of a side part and clean cut cuteness. :)

Take the survey on the left sidebar (you guys who subscribe in a reader will actually need to come to the blog website) & let your vote count! :)

Quick Follow Up

2009-04-26T13:10:00.005-04:00

I thought you all would want to know Mia had such a great couple weeks after all my worries! I think it helps that I decided to start driving her every day & picking her up. I think both Mia and the teacher somehow subliminally do better with this set-up.

Also, the one-on-one time at home is so helpful. When we don't do it, she backslides. So it's a must for her every day.

Then her little Social Skills class started last week. I think this will help because the teachers are psychologists & notice little things.

Making sure she gets plenty of sleep is ALWAYS on the checklist. Believe me! :)

Also after Spring Break, when I first brought Mia back, I talked frankly with her teacher and told her I thought Mia did better with POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT & could she keep doing that, but no more yelling. I said that yelling didn't work for us at home & next time she had problems with Mia, could she please, please be more gentle. To the teacher's credit, I think she is doing better with this. I know from experience that yelling is a hard habit to break. I also talked to the directors of the preschool and let them know that I was not thrilled about the yelling. So that's all I can do. One day at a time! But overall, I'm breathing a lot easier about it.

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Emelia?

2009-04-06T21:51:00.009-04:00

I told my mom the following story about Mia's day in preschool the other day and she laughed and laughed and begged me to write it down... So here's my attempt! :)

My kids don't get to see their grandparents that often, but Mia already has a reputation with my mom. The last time my mom spent time with Mia at a family reunion, she was always getting in trouble. She put sand down my mom's shirt at the beach, continually got into my makeup and lotion, and once when my mom wasn't looking, poured maple syrup on floor, smiling sweetly when my mom turned around. In reaction to my mom's horror, Mia picked up the pepper shaker & shook some pepper onto the mess like a little garnish.

Well, I had a warning that she had been having a few problems in her preschool class when we had our parent conference and Ms. Janice mentioned she does have a problem hitting other kids at times & being too aggressive when things make her mad. Oh, and she is a messy eater! Ok that's not news to us. We just shook our heads and said. We know. We don't know what to do. We're trying to work with her.

The next conversation with Janice was after Mia had been sick for a week. She came back to school on a Friday. I picked her up and the teacher said she had some problems that day and didn't want to talk about it in front of Mia, so she would call me. It turned out she had had several meltdowns and bent someone's fingers back and been in time out several times. She was so devastated about being in time out that she was just bawling. The teacher wanted to know if anything was going on at home that might be causing her to act extra bad like this. Ummm, no. Besides the fact that we're not perfect parents, life is pretty average, even above average. But I said that I thought she might at times do bad behavior to get attention, so Chris and I were beginning a campaign of one-on-one time so we could give her some positive attention. And whenever I do this, it works pretty well and I see a good change in her behavior. I said I thought time outs didn't work for her & the teacher agreed. Ms. Janice said she would try to sit down with her once in a while and maybe do something Mia enjoys like crafts.

Chris and I talked about it and decided to step up the "Special Mommy Time" & "Special Daddy Time." We even keep her up past her bedtime because we have noticed such a good change. So I thought we were home free! Nope.

At the end of this last preschool week, my friend who I carpool with dropped her off and said, "Mia apparantly had a horrible day. Ms. Janice is going to call you." And this is a run down of what poor Mia's day was like:

She got a treat from story time. When she got back to class the teacher's assistant asked her to put it in her cubbie. Mia said, "No. I don't have to." The assistant said, "If you don't we will take it away." Mia said, "Give me my treat RIGHT NOW!!" And then Ms. Janice stepped in & asked her to put it away and Mia said, "Ok, Whatever!" with full-on teenage flair. I think she might have had to serve a time out.
At music, apparantly the teacher asked her to do something & Mia said, "no, I don't have to." Lovely.
At lunch, Mia didn't like her sandwich, so she threw it on the floor. Ms. Janice asked her to pick it up. Mia looked at her and then STOMPED ON IT!!! As if to say, "Sandwich? Here's what you can do with the sandwich!" Ummmmmm Ms. Janice didn't take to that too kindly. She is pretty stern with the kids & uses quite a loud voice sometimes. She made Mia pack up her lunch to eat later at home and sent Mia to the Director's office for a BIG time out. Mia was so mad that her lunch was being taken away that she started a huge tantrum and threw her chair. Now putting on a show for the rest of the class, it went back and forth like a big power struggle between Mia and Ms. Janice. Mia didn't want to go to the office, and I guess Ms. Janice pretty much dragged her there: "You can't make me." "Yes, I can." (The stomping part is what my mom got a big kick out of. ) :)
Well, there are toys in the office & Mia thought she was there to play. Well, Ms. Janice said the office staff reported that she sassed them, too, when they told her she couldn't play, but needed to sit in time out.

Again I got the question, "What is going on at home?" just like "You've got to be doing something wrong to produce this kind of craziness." She called Mia the "M" word (manipulative.) I was kind of wondering where all this was leading. Are they going to kick her out of preschool?

Luckily, the teacher seemed willing to brainstorm with me. She said Mia may be feeling a lack of control of her world and so Janice would be willing to try to give her more choices now and then throughout the day. She gets there late every day & misses her Free Play. So that might be something we can try and fix. And to ask Mia if there were certain activities she'd like to do at preschool, maybe Janice could let her choose some things like that. I thought it was nice that the teacher was willing to do all those things to try and help.

One thing occurred to me later that I didn't think to mention to Janice. Eli has the opposite problem, and we have been coaching him a lot to be more assertive: "If you have to go to the bathroom, don't be afraid to ask! Don't be afraid of the grown-ups. If you really have to go, you're allowed to ask them to go." Some kids were bothering him on the playground and Eli had to go to the school's counselor to get extra assertiveness training. We were role playing & coaching Eli to say, "Stop that! I don't like that!" In a really loud bold voice. Maybe Mia took too many notes from that???? I don't know!

So I talked to Mia and let her know she had to be obedient and listen to her teachers. But I'm terrified to send her back knowing that it's hard to take a label off a child once you have it in your mind that "This kid is trouble." And I also think my heart would break if she had another terrible day like that. I'm sure she probably deserved it, but I don't like to think of her being yelled at and humiliated. As her mom, yes, I see her worst, but I also see her at her best and there are so many things that are fantastic, sweet, beautiful and praiseworthy about her.

So what do I do with this problem? Any ideas????????????????????

My mom had ZERO ideas. She said pull in the big guns professional help. I am hoping to sign her up for a "social skills" class that deals with emotions, dealing with her friends and conflict resolution. It sounds a lot like what Mia needs. I may also try to get a consultation with the owner (developmental psychologist) as well. We took a class from her a little over a year ago, but obviously we flunked because THIS is all happening in poor Mia's life.

Just look at this face. Would you have thought this sweet munchkin-angel capable of all this trouble?

Reaching For Hope

2009-03-05T15:28:00.005-05:00

I just found out that my aunt died. My mom's sister, Bonnie Christensen. She was found dead in her home today. Possibly a suicide. She had attempted so many times. It’s heartbreaking news. And I find myself in need of some good news today. And I suddenly realized that the good news was my own good news. But not the Relief-Society-Good-News-Minute kind of good news. If you read blogs for that kind of news, today’s not the day to find it here.

But I have to say that my aunt’s passing prompts me to do what I already felt prompted to do, which is share my own depression story, even though it’s difficult for me. And I want to say at the outset- it has a good ending! But I have nightmare visions of friends of mine reading this and then having crazy reactions, like, “Ooh. She has anxiety disorder. We probably shouldn’t invite her to the movies.” Or “Now that I know this, I don’t want her babysitting my kids because she’s sketchy.”

I hope that my being candid can create awareness so that victims, family & friends of this ILLNESS (they really need to find a different term than depression- something like Frontal Lobe Hippocampus Cellular Atrophy) might be a little more equipped to fight it. It’s a drop in the bucket of the awareness that needs to happen. I don’t know what went wrong with my aunt’s situation. I know she was hurting so much for so many years. Because the depressive-illness monster is so personal to me, and I have had a glimpse of what she may have been battling, her loss is even more sad to me. I hate the thought of anyone experiencing the type of pain depression brings, even to a much smaller degree, and that is why I want to share this. Everyone should know that it can be overcome.

As you probably noticed, I took a break from blogging for a while, and a dear friend wrote to me out of concern & I have posted our correspondence below.

Dear Natalie,

I just recently learned that "clinical depression" is something very different from the mere discontent of people who carelessly use the words depressed and depression when life doesn't happen the way they planned it. I have friends and relatives who become "depressed" - and mean and bitter - when they work home taking care of their infants, and heal the moment their one year olds are hauled to some crowded day-nursery, women who are "depressed" when living at rent and using public transportation - and again healing immediately after getting a house and mortgage and a car. I sincerely apologize for thinking that you were one of those ladies, for I did not know that there is a real depression, and that the real depression is a chemical imbalance in ones brain, which imbalance indeed makes all seem gloomy and hopeless without the poor victim of the illness having a say. I am sorry you have to suffer such an affliction, and MAD that some vain ladies are using the same word when simply whining and covering up the weakness of character and lack of dignity!

You haven't written your blog for awhile - I hope all is well. Natalie, I think you are a real hero hanging on there and doing humbly and courageously the right things, though life truly is harder for you than for some other sisters. In my stunted little existence I have no patience and empathy for whiners, but to you I do have, and not only empathy, but respect as well.

- hanna

..............................................................................................

Hanna,

Thanks so much for your note. I know there is a perception in the world and even (or should I say especially?) in the church that if you are not happy, you are sinning/whining/not doing all you should. The past few years I have read a TON of books about depression & I get frustrated with some of those false perceptions and I have even had them before!

But at the same time, I'm definitely not upset with myself because I am working SO HARD on trying to heal. And I'm actually happy and proud of myself for doing this. It's become my hobby & is part of the reason I don't find time to blog-- because all my time, whenever I'm not taking care of my home, husband & kids-- is devoted to getting healthier, mentally & physically (which both effect each other, almost a direct correlation!)

I have been clinically depressed, and now diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder & panic disorder and also obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). When I first realized something was wrong with me, Mia was about 1 year old (but I should have realized earlier because I now remember it started clear back at the end of my pregnancy with Mia- I was uncontrollably crying every day during that 9th month), and I started getting medicine prescribed in 2005, but no talk therapy. Actually, I tried, but I wasn't satisfied with my therapist & didn't feel it was helping or worth all the money we were paying.

So the medicine- between 2005 & 2006 I tried 8 different medicines that were prescribed for me & some worked for a bit, then stopped working, and some didn't work at all. So in the spring of 2007, I gave up the medicine & went to an LDS church member therapist and she is wonderful. She helped us with our marriage (because obviously, when I don't feel well, it's hard on Chris, and it puts a strain on our family life, but things are so much better now), and she has helped me progress a lot and learn coping methods.

Plus I am doing cognitive behavioral therapy(CBT) partially via the professional therapist, but also a book called, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated by David Burns and that has helped me so much that I've read it twice now, and I'm reading it again, & intend to never stop until I memorize that thing! :) I read it a bit every night with my scriptures! There is research that CBT can literally change your brain chemistry almost as effectively as medicine. Also, for the anxiety, I am now trying a few herbal remedies. David Burns also has a book on Anxiety/Panic that I really need to get & see if that is as helpful as his other book was for me.

I've been spending a TON of effort on nutrition & exercise, but it's hard. This whole thing has been a dark, dark trial in my life. I've had so many priesthood blessings, I can't even count them. There is no doubt in my mind that my brain chemistry is bogged down with problems. My mom, brother & both sisters have all been on anti-depression medication at some point in their lives. And right before my dad died, he was going through a depression, too! (He died of a heart attack, luckily nothing to do with the depression.) My mom's mom, and of course, sister struggled with this.

I never wanted to commit suicide, but at some of the lowest points, I couldn't stop saying to myself over and over, "I just want to die." The emotional pain I was feeling was so strong, and like I say, I never wanted to hurt myself, but I could totally understand some people's minds who are called, "cutters," who cut themselves with razors (and there are other types of self-injury problems) because the emotional pain is so strong, you feel desperate to escape it, even enough to give yourself physical pain instead to take your mind off the emotional pain. I would feel some days such a heavy darkness around me & every thought was so negative, that I knew they weren't my own thoughts. And the most ironic part of this is that I was hiding it all from the world! I would go to church with this huge smile on my face. I was in the Relief Society presidency, having people over to my home all the time, putting on all these Enrichment activities, then coming home and crashing in secret.

And luckily, that is all in the past now. I'm doing so much better!!!!!! My "low" points are no big deal, when I think back to how it was before. Don't get me wrong, things are still hard occasionally, but at least I'm aware of triggers, and therapies. Just a month ago, something triggered a relapse into depression & I was crying in my room for 2 hours. But at least at the end of that 2 hours, I got out a notebook and started working on my CBT and I came out of it! Before, that depression may have lasted 2 weeks instead of 2 hours.

One big difference between now and the past is that before, I only got help when my emotional problems were hurting my husband or children. Now I'm getting help because I love myself & I know I don't deserve to feel that way. I'm learning that some attitudes I've had for years (like pleasing people or being addicted to love & praise or feeling guilty and mentally beating myself up & saying such mean things to myself in my thoughts or feeling like everything has to be perfect/"all or nothing"...) are no longer acceptable & I have to work on changing them.

Now I'm just working on the anxiety part of things (another good website I've been learning from is www.thehatchedegg.com). My goal is to get to the point where I'm not waking up in the morning feeling afraid, panicked & anxious for no reason (this paralyzes me & I want to stay in bed the whole day). Or I'll be saying my prayers at night & I'll start this obsessive terrible worrying about all the things I was praying for and I'll stay up all night worrying about it, all the while trying to stop thinking about that, but I absolutely can't (this is part of the OCD). Depressed peoples' brains get literally addicted to negative thoughts, and without some sort of intervention like medicine or therapy, you just keep downward spiraling worse and worse.

So I'm so happy to be getting the help I need now. Oh, also this sweet lady named Marla Cilley (www.flylady.net) is a coach to women who are trying to be better homemakers & I listen to her radio show a lot and get her emails & that is helping me, too because she is all about trying to avoid perfectionism and trying to LOVE AND RESPECT YOURSELF!!! Her nickname is FLYLady, and FLY stands for Finally Loving Yourself. Cool, huh? :)

Besides the time factor, I have to admit the anxiety/OCD, etc. is probably partially to blame for me not blogging. But feel free to follow me on twitter (www.twitter.com/tryingtofly) or (www.twitter.com/nataliecardon). I'm actually considering using this note to you as a blog post because I wonder if a lot of my friends could use an honest explanation to what's going on with me. There was such a loneliness when I couldn't share any of this. Even my mom & sister who are my best friends & know how it feels to be depressed still felt uncomfortable hearing again and again how awful I was doing for these 4 years and that I'm still struggling.

Even I hate listening to people talk about their depressions, but I find that it's not as heavy to listen to when I learn that they are actively working on getting better & not just staying in denial or showing an unwillingness to do the work that it takes to get better. And I actually think that almost everyone could work on being more positive in general and having healthier attitudes towards the world. I think everyone should read "Feeling Good." It is seriously my favorite book. :)

I know that when this is a little farther behind me & I can see all the progress I've made, I will realize what all I've learned from it and be grateful for having that trial. And even now, still somewhat in the midst of this trial, I would much rather have this than so many other things that could go wrong in one's life. I do still have such an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

Thank you for being such a benevolent friend and for cheering for me from such a long distance. :) I'm cheering for you, too, even though I don't know what all you are going through, but I know & believe that it has been tough for you, too. Thank goodness, too, that we have a Savior who knows us & loves us and that love truly never fails and will truly conquer all.

XO,
Natalie

....................................................................

Natalie,

Thank you for taking the time to educate me through your wonderful letter. I did not know how life consuming the illness can be! It's amazing how far you have already come through perseverance and self education and exercise!

These words of yours are so true: "Even I hate listening to people talk about their depressions, but I find that it's not as heavy to listen to when I learn that they are actively working on getting better & not just staying in denial or showing an unwillingness to do the work that it takes to get better" .
It really is not hard to stand by a sufferer - even throughout life - when you see that she/he is doing her/his very best to get better, or to manage life despite the difficulties. Your husband and children must be very proud of you Natalie : )

Now I'll go and investigate the twitter and the flylady : )

- hanna

......................................

And my husband IS proud of me. I shared these emails with him, and this was his response:

..........................................

Natalie,

You are lovely, loyal, likable, lovable. I'm proud of you for all you have accomplished in the past few years.

I see the hope you display in this email and it elevates my hope and I know there will be better days.

I love you.

Chris

......................................

And the most amazing thing is that better days sometimes come sooner than you thought possible. Since I wrote this letter I have found almost a MIRACLE supplement. It has pretty much erased all my symptoms of depression, anxiety, panic & OCD. Unbelievable, I know. It may not work forever, since as I mentioned, medications tended to work for a short time, then poop out on me. But this is called INOSITOL and in the vitamin B complex. It started to work for me 5 MINUTES after I took it. It’s been about a week & I seriously feel like a new person. Completely back to myself. I’m not even kidding. I am having a great time getting reaquainted with the old me that was able to enjoy things, have a sense of humor, be in a good mood, etc.! I feel like I've risen from the dead. I almost erased the entire part of this post that had to do with anxiety because I’m not struggling with it anymore. What a blessing & a miracle. And even if it does poop out on me, I have built a foundation of knowing how to fight the anxiety & depression without medication. I have to add that 5-HTP also helps me.

If you are struggling with depressed feelings or suffering from anxiety or panic attacks, take time to educate yourself. Read articles on the internet. Read “Feeling Good.” And there are a lot of other good books out there. Here is a mini online version of a depression assessment questionnaire. You deserve to feel better. Therapists are not just for the really super ill/deranged. Get rid of the stigmas attached to therapy and anti-depressants! You wouldn’t say to your friend that has diabetes or asthma or epilepsy or something: “She has a character flaw. She shouldn’t take that medication because she has brought it on herself. If she were making better choices she wouldn’t have asthma.” Don’t say or think this about others who are depressed, and don’t say it about yourself. Depression is a real disease, and you should get help BEFORE, and I mean LONG BEFORE it gets to the point where you need hospitalization.

And the final thought I have is the same one I had, the last time one of my family members died (my dad in 2001.) Isn’t it a blessing to be alive? How thankful I am for the sun on my face, my beautiful husband and kids around me, so much ahead of me to experience and live. Especially to those of you who are lucky enough to have a plentiful supply of serotonin in your healthy brain, go enjoy it! To all of you: Live life to the healthiest and happiest you can!

Again, to all of you, blog readers: Take care of yourselves! You are precious & loved.

Natalie

Finally, one last note. This blog title is inspired by a great book by two LDS women, Meghan Decker and Betsy Chatlin, that gives a great overview of depression in general, and a fantastic LDS perspective. It's called: Reaching For Hope : An LDS Perspective on Recovering from Depression

Happy Birthday To Me

2008-12-28T04:55:00.002-05:00

Top 10 reasons I hate having a birthday near Christmas:

If someone gets me flowers for my birthday, it's a poinsetta.
Yeah, don't even talk to me about the wrapping paper & cards that I get!
Growing up, the parents and g-parents were all out of money right after Christmas. Brother & sisters would get $20 on their birthdays, but on mine, sorry, here's $1.
Or people do a 2-fer: here's your Christmas SLASH birthday present/card.
Everyone is out of town when you try to invite them to your parties.
Something about having your thunder stolen by Christmas AND New Years parties.
No outdoor birthdays, EVER!
You feel like you have to apologize to people for causing them stress when they thought they were done with holiday stress. (Excuse the heck out of me for being born when I was!)
No cupcakes at school.
Suspect people of fishing the birthday present out of the Christmas present pile. (Hey! That's probably a regift!)

But on a more positive note, for the last 8 years, it's been more fun. Because I found my soul mate who was also born near Christmas, and we can empathize to make each others' birthdays more fun, and a lot of the time, we celebrate our half birthdays in June. Also, my birthday is almost like a New Year's Eve for me. I can think about the past year and what I want the next one to be like. I sure hope this year is full of progress in my health- mental and physical. I sure have been working hard at it. I just want to see some of the fruits.

Back in July of this year, the Memory Tag/Meme was going around the blogosphere. But I have saved it for all this time to do what my sister-in-law did- to use it as my birthday post. I turn 37 on Monday, and for my birthday, I am asking you to write me a memory of you and me. (i.e. like a first impression, time we were together, something funny or anything to spark my memories to come back:)) You can post them here or email it to me. It should be fun to read. Thanks, in advance.

The strongest back in our home

2008-12-27T04:37:00.000-05:00

Pile me on the top of there, too, to portray more accurately all the people Chris supports. I am so grateful for his physical and emotional strength and generosity. He is too good to be true, sometimes. It's Chris' birthday today, and I just wanted to talk about how much I appreciated him. Love you, Chris!!

Come On In! Here's The Tour!

2008-12-16T00:07:00.002-05:00

Oh did I say December 15th? Because I meant 12:07 am on December 16th. Ever since I graduated from law school, deadlines & I have not gotten along. I feel I shouldn't have to be bothered by them. Too bad the rest of the world doesn't feel that way.

Now on to the tour. When we were first married, I started to realize how important keeping Swedish traditions were & I bought a boat-load of Ikea traditional Swedish decor. If I replaced it, I'd miss it. But it's not really a question since we have neither the room nor the budget to change the decorations every year. It's just stayed this way for 8 years! But I like it. Incidentally, yesterday was St. Lucia & someday I'll be organized enough to bring my kids to a Lucia celebration somewhere! So the decor is one part Swedish, one part stuff my mom's given me from Germany, one part stuff other people have given me, and one part crafts from my kids!

I guess we'll start outside. I have to explain that as simple as our lights are, we are the total "Griswalds" of the street. No one else in our whole neighborhood has the icicle lights, which I love. So kudos to Chris for being brave enough to get up on that ladder!

Then on to the living room... Swedish stuff... and nutcrackers... Click on any of these photos, if you want, to see them up close.

Here are some close-ups of ornaments. Most of the ornaments are shiny red balls and Swedish straw snowflakes, hearts, angels, stars, etc. But a few years ago, my sister gave me a set of ornaments with pictures of Christ inside them. Very beautiful. Then I have a few from my time on Capitol Hill. I tried to photograph the back of the one of the Capitol because it has Senator Hatch's signature engraved on the back. Cool. I think I got the White House ornament one year for volunteering for a campaign. The one on the top right is a cut from a branch of the huge Capitol Christmas tree that was from Utah back in 1996.

A few glimpses of garlands we have up in the hall.

One day I hope I have a beautiful dining room table all done up. Not so much now. Just smashed up Cheerios and spaghetti & yogurt splashed all over the chairs. But I edited that out! Here are some glimpses of stuff in our dining room.

That's about it! Below you'll see proof that my decorations really are as old as I say they are! This is the Christmas card I watercolor-painted for Christmas 2000!

And finally, I have to risk being a bit cheesy. But come on, it's CHRISTMAS!! This is not a Christmas decoration, it always sits up on our bookshelf. But it's the sentiment I hope we all have in our homes as we try to to have soft hearts and voices. Here's an early Christmas wish for you all: I love you all & I hope this Chrsitmas season you're blessed with an added measure of the knowledge that He loves you. We're so blessed that He came into the world & gave us so much.

Headin' for Pennsylvania and Some Homemade Pumpkin Pie

2008-12-13T17:59:00.003-05:00

I don't know why, but Pennsylvania was calling my name over the Thanksgiving holiday. Literally, the DAY before Thanksgiving, we arranged the whole thing. Since we have ripped up carpet and a cement slab as the warming, hospitable place where we would normally be eating Thanksgiving dinner, we just decided to skip town.

In case some of you were still left hanging, I might not have clarified that we DID get the Honda Odyssey. So we christened it by taking it on a little road trip, and ate at Plain & Fancy, an Amish Farm, in Bird-In-Hand, PA. It was a delicious traditional home-style Thanksgiving dinner.

Then we stayed at a Bed & Breakfast in Mt. Joy, PA. It was a beautiful little place that served an amazing breakfast & was decorated with the most beautiful antiques. It was located on a working farm. So Eli got to gather eggs with the teenage boys who lived there, and play around on the farm- hayride, rope swing in the barn, petting the animals, etc. Click on the collage to see the photos up close. It was a fun experience tainted only by the fact that I could see my breath laying in bed in the middle of the night, our room was so cold!! And oh, also, Mia got up in the morning and puked right at the foot of the beautiful antique bed. I guess the Amish dinner didn't agree with her. Poor little thing.

Luckily, though, she felt ok the rest of the day. We took them to Hershey, to Chocolate World. We had the little tour of the chocolate factory, and did our share of tasting. I'm a Mr. Goodbar fan, how about you? The new flavored kisses aren't bad, either. Chris likes the new line of chocolate called Bliss. Mmmmmmmmm.

The theme park was also open, decorated for Christmas & only cost 10 bucks! All the rides were open except the scariest thrill rides and the water ride. So for our kids, it was perfect! It was actually the first time they've ever been to a theme park. The closest they've gotten in their short little lives was the boardwalk at Ocean City! So they loved it. We earned a few parenting brownie points, finally. :)

But it was also so nice to get to away. Total treat for Chris & me. Other than 2 trips to the beach, I'm ashamed to admit that we haven't been on a road trip like that since before we had kids. That's definitely going to change now that we've tasted a little success. (No pun intended! Ha!) Yep, even with the frigid lodgings & puking child. I think it was a great trip.

First Installment of Real Life Posts: wherein we discover that the most cultural dish we can make comes out of a box with the letters K-R-A-F-T on it

2008-11-25T08:36:00.006-05:00

Here are some Thanksgiving updates. And I realize that these posts may be, in the words of one of my new obsessions, BooMama*, " a little too late to be considered relevant. But that’s never stopped me before, now has it?"

Here are my 2 stories:

1. Eli's Kindergarten Class Thanksgiving Feast.

We were all supposed to bring a dish from our heritage, or from a country we've visited. But his teacher begged me to bring mac 'n' cheese because she was afraid the kids would starve if they were only given a choice of a bunch of strange foreign food. I don't know, I wouldn't want to be stuck with a bunch of hungry (= grouchy) 5 & 6 year olds if I were her, either!

I'm half Swedish, and I wanted to bring some Swedish food. As I was brainstorming, I was trying to think kid friendly. Maybe RisgrynsgrÖt, (rice pudding), or bullar (sweet bread/cinnamon buns). We thought the sweet bread would be a little easier, so we set off making the dough. Then we promptly forgot a key spice ingredient, decided to forge ahead, and finally came out with these:

Hard as rocks, burned, burned, burned!!! I didn't even think the birds would want them. They just went in the trash, and a huge vat of mac 'n' cheese was our "Heritage" dish. Great! I know my Swedish grandmother is in heaven looking down and just shaking her head saying, "I know you can do better than that!"

Stay tuned for Story #2 tomorrow. Because I'm realizing y'all don't want to wait forever to read a post from me until I'm done writing about our road trip to PA. :) I'll tell you about it tomorrow. :)

*Something about The South that I think is SO COOL right now. Oh, just the idea of the hospitality, friendliness, picturesque-ness, Paula Deen... anyone who talks or cooks like her. I've never even BEEN to the south unless you count Duck Beach! But you will want to visit there if you listen to this podcast!

Part 2 Why It's Been A While Since I've Posted (A Discussion About Blog Guilt and Blogger's Block)

2008-11-24T12:59:00.003-05:00

The other set of reasons why I haven't made time to post is that I have issues.

I don't have any spare time! Oh, that's right, we covered that in my last post. That is the case often. But do you ever find yourself giving yourself high blood pressure about it? "Shoot! I haven't posted in a while! I'm going to lose all my readers and blogging friends!" Luckily, we live in the day and age of Google Reader. So that shouldn't be a problem. Also, you may notice in my sidebar that I Tweet almost every day. I don't have enough time to write a full blog, but have a lot of fun telling people what I'm up to, almost every day. And for fun, I made my Twitter updates the same as my Facebook updates. So don't worry. There's really no lack of me running my mouth.
Too critical of my own ideas! I've thought so many times: hey, maybe I could post about this or that. Then I start to critique my idea and tear it all to shreds.
Too afraid of others' criticism! This is a journal of sorts, but it doesn't bear any resemblance to the real state of affairs in Natalie's home or Natalie's brain lately. If it did, I would have posted at least 10 or 20 entries about Barack Obama and how much we love him (yes, I said "we." I've brainwashed my children, and converted my husband. Awesome!) :) I'm mad, now, that I didn't even do a celebratory post when Obama won! And many of you know why this is: I have so many Republican friends & family!! I did post a couple Twitter & Facebook status updates with sort of hints at my opinions, and all the feedback wasn't glowing, like I would have liked. It was such a SENSITIVE issue!! I would start flushing red in the face sometimes when friends of mine would blog about supporting McCain, and I just didn't want others to do the same if I were to blog about my real feelings and opinions. But now that it's a done deal, if there is an occasional post featuring my Barackophilia, will you forgive me?
A few other taboo topics. If this blog is even 100th of a snapshot of my life, I would probably be posting more often about my weight struggles, and my depression. Now the problems with talking about those on this blog: I don't find either one beautiful or humorous, most of the time. My goal for this blog was to try not to be overly negative, since that is the temptation, if I let it be a big venting ground. But my other goal is to just be real and sincere. Actually, those are my 2 goals in life, basically. But also, the weight and the depression each have a sort of stigma attached to them, and I definitely don't want THOSE labels. Who wants to read the blog of the fat, depressed girl? No one. I don't view myself that way at all. But I think the world (and particularly the Molly Mormon World) could use a dose of real life admissions that there are problems sometimes. Life is mostly great, but is made up of many struggles, and not just visits to pumpkin patches and summer vacations. I think I'm brave enough to let the blog reflect that once in a while.*
If all else fails, answer a tag. And I have no problem doing that. But that inner critical voice again makes an argument- but what about so and so that said they were never going to do tags on their blog- inferring that tags somehow make inferior posts, or something. And because I want my blog to be The Most Amazing Blog In The World, I have to listen to so and so. Well, in light of my newfound freedom to blog about whatever I want, the new tag policy is that if I feel like it, I will. If I don't, I won't.**
But I'm weeks late for Halloween. Should I still post something? Well, I finally did. Better late than never.

What hangs you up about writing in a blog or updating one often? Do you have blog guilt? Do you feel like you have to have a Barbie Doll Molly Mormon Life on your blog?

*I'm all for censoring SOME things. I don't like reading OR writing blogs that are just TMI. But don't you think there's a happy medium between Too Much Real Life and Not Enough Real Life?

**And don't worry, I don't think tag posts are inferior at all. I actually think they're a lot of fun to read. And if you're the one who tagged me, never think that I didn't feel like it or take it personally! More likely, I spaced it and I have no clue. I'm pretty sure I have Walking Alzeimers. But that's another post. All this disclaiming (!!) because I know how it feels to read blogs and have anxiety attacks, when I'm sure the author didn't mean for me to have one.

Edited to add: This post was meant to be more self-introspective than judging others' blogs! Please don't think that I'm asking anyone to change their blog style. I think I am just trying to give myself & others permission to write something other than a prolonged glowing Christmas card, IF THEY WANT! But if you don't want, hey, there are some blogs that I love that are just beautiful photos & no grit/reality. Some good advice about blogging came from Boo Mama: "Write in a voice that’s uniquely your own. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. There’s only one you, so use that to your advantage." God gave you a voice. Use the voice that God gave you! You can never go wrong doing that, I think.

Part 1 Why It's Been A While Since I've Posted

2008-11-23T18:36:00.000-05:00

Don't want to disappoint you, but this won't be another serial novel, like I've been subjecting you to before.

Without letting myself have too much blog guilt, I sort of can't believe that November has been such a non-blogging month for me.

One reason is definitely that I have been in charge of the Reflections program for Eli's school. (While at the same time keeping up the rest of my life's business.) It just ended this week, and I wish I had some wisdom to share or some links in case next fall, some desperate person googles, "Help! I'm the new Reflections Chair and I am so overwhelmed!" Hey, it could happen. Just today, someone landed on my site after googling, "most disgusting assortment of rubbish imaginable grinch." Hmmmm. Interesting.

But I have come to the sad conclusion that I have no wisdom to share. Whatever I did, I copied from other peoples' suggestions in my training meeting, and I can't say it worked magic on our school.

I copied the flyers (4 pages x 1100 students!) that the National PTA gave us, then I tried some other desperate last minute promotion like a friend of mine's little girl getting on the PA during their announcements and saying how much fun Reflections is, and emailing the teachers with entry forms and asking them to to spot talented students & encourage them to enter Reflections. I put a poster in the library. But it was pretty useless. I still only got 15 kids to participate, that would have probably participated regardless of whether I did all that.

We displayed the art & photography in the library, then I had my judges pick the winners that would move on to the county level. Somehow managed to shuffle them on to where they were supposed to go without losing anything.

Then I had special invitations made for their party, emailed and snail malied them. Ordered some overpriced medals that the kids will probably lose or throw away, that they got for their awards party. We had a bunch of budget, so I threw in watercolor paints for the art kids & some Borders gift cards for everybody. Bless all their hearts. They still seemed so unimpressed. The thing I think they liked best was eating the refreshment cookies and making the thank you cards for the judges (used up a bunch of cardmaking & scrapbooking stuff that was gathering dust.) Then our stats went down even further. Only 9 of the kids showed up to the party.

Hey, I didn't get a party when I entered Reflections as a 2nd grader! I got the most boring, cheap prize ribbons. My mom intercepted a watercolor painting I did in a class & entered it, and it did pretty well. I think that painting might have gone to county or district, but what I really remember is my music composition. If you know me very well, you are probably squinting your eyes seeing if you read that right. Yes, music composition. It won STATE!! And it was created by my mom FORCING me to sit at the piano until I made up a song. I'm not kidding! I cried and cried, then I made up a little song & I'm sure not very many other kids my age entered a song, so therefore I probably had very little competition, and that thing went all the way to state! It was so embarrassing! I had to play it for my 2nd grade class, and I had to go to a luncheon with my PRINCIPAL!!!!!!!!!! I'm not sure what I got out of all of that besides a memory. And the most ironic part is that I don't even play the piano at all whatsoever now.

So the music "talent" did not stick with me, but the art did. And the memory did. So therefore I am helping with the PTA Reflections. Luckily, I did not have to force Eli to do anything. To him it was like a trip to Disneyworld to let him get out the paints and a huge canvas and paint anything he wanted. He painted this darling space painting of a Star Wars ship and some planets. Here is a bad picture of it. I hope he gets out of the experience a lack of inhabitions to use his creativity. I think creativity is undervalued at school sometimes, but it's something that can help you in all areas of your life. So I guess 15 culturally aware and creatively uninhibited kids out of 1100 is better than none!

I Want To See What Your Christmas Trees Look Like

2008-11-21T15:35:00.003-05:00

I think I will be participating in this on December 15th. Thought I'd post it in case others of you want to, as well.

Since I know you're all offering up tons of excuses right now about why you don't want to participate, I'll tell you why I'm doing it. And it's not because my decorations would win any contests (and it's not a contest, by the way.) My excuse was- but my Christmas decor is boring, and I'm sick of it. Then I realized that it's new to many people besides the people who have lived with me for the last 6 years. I'm not doing anything different than I would normally do, but I'm just sharing it with the internet because it's cheery.

The rules from BooMama.Net are:

That you actually post pictures of your holiday decorations (what kind of pictures?) …well, I’m thinking pictures of your tree…pictures of a particular collection that you love…pictures of your favorite nativity scene…pictures of your front door…and pictures of your outside decorations if you’d like to share them. Show us your favorite traditions.
So basically, you know, whatever.
And really, it’s only fair that you should provide some refreshments (I mean, you ARE inviting us over and all), so I think it would be great fun if everyone posted his or her favorite quick and easy holiday recipe along with the pictures.
And if you’re wondering how this works, it’s pretty simple. You’ll put up your Christmas Tour post on your blog on the 15th, then hop over here and leave your link on the Mr. Linky. Once you leave your link, you can start clicking through the list and visiting other people. It’s like an Open House, but since it’s on the internet you get to experience the Open House while you’re wearing your pajamas and eating chocolate.

Spreading Happiness

2008-10-31T21:49:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, I was at the gym and found myself YAWNING on the stationary bike!!! I usually listen to podcasts while I exercise because I am an OCD multi-tasker. But the yawn was too much. I had to do something to wake myself up. So I set my ipod on music shuffle and it was one of those fun little experiences with serendipity where just the right songs came on that made me so happy. By the time the workout was over, I had endorphins from the vigorous cycling plus happy vibes from the songs, so I thought I'd share the playlist with you. :)

Have You Played with This Yet?

2008-10-26T22:07:00.004-04:00

Here are a few versions of word clouds I liked (a snapshot of the words from my blog.) It's a fun site to play with. Oh my gosh! I couldn't stop! Make a word cloud with your blog & let me know in the comments so I can come see it. :) Word Clouds from Wordle.net.

Angels (Part 2 of 2)

2008-10-14T08:00:00.000-04:00

Eli, Mia and I found a bench to sit on with our dinner that consisted of a Red Bull and the dregs of a bag of pretzels. After a few minutes, the kids and I noticed the benches we were sitting on were covered with bugs. We had not noticed them before because there were so many of them clumped together it just looked like part of the wood. Ugh! Ack! Dang mountains. Chris called my cell phone to say he would stay with the mechanic and get things sorted out. They were going to try a bunch of things to see what the problem was, and also take a trip to the auto parts store.

So we started walking farther into the park, and noticed that a Boy Scout Jamboree was actually going on in there. And my brain started working: Boy Scouts… LDS… There’s a chance there could be an LDS Boy Scout troupe in there. Maybe we could even find someone local to help us out while we’re stranded. It wasn’t 5 or 10 seconds after I thought this thought that someone said to Eli, “Hey, I like your shirt! BYU! Great university! I went there!” And that’s how we met Brother Johnson*. Our new best friend.

I think it’s good to be independent and never expect things from people, but on the other side of that spectrum, should I really be so shocked whenever people are so kind to me?

Although Brother Johnson did his best to see if there was anything at all he could do to solve our car problem-- and he, of course, couldn’t—the amount of relief he gave WAS HUGE! He showed us where to buy hot dogs and soda, talked with us, and gave my kids chips and granola bars while I sat on the picnic bench with my head in my hands, worrying. I was just so thankful. I don’t know what I would have done if I had to deal with hungry kids on top of it all. Mostly, we just kept busy by people watching and the kids were just devouring their snacks.

I’m surprised this part of the story wasn’t more adventurous. Because you hear "Natalie, Eli and Mia" and "Boy Scout Jamboree" in the same sentence and expect a good humorous story. I was just too stressed to go and make the day more odd and adventurous than it already was. Scouts would come and go. From the picnic pavilion, we were watching some of the activities: sports games, spear throwing, gun cleaning, some weighing and measuring. A kind soul would walk by and give the kids a bag of Halloween candy.

I really felt like I met an angel that day: Brother Johnson, an angel disguised in sweats and a baseball cap. He just stayed with us and kept chatting and making sure the kids were happy and fed. I didn’t know that just seeing that someone’s situation sucked and trying to make it easier was on the “to do” list of angels, but it is. And I didn’t know God loved me that much that he would make sure we had somewhere to sit and eat hotdogs with concerned LDS people to make it a little easier to be in Redneckville with a broken car.

We often think that God is just about drama. Dying for us and judging us at the Second Coming. I know those things are true. But I love the re-awakenings that I sometimes have that God is in the small things. Jesus taught and healed people, but he also gave them fish and bread and wine.

I’m now making a mental portrait gallery of people that have been divinely put in the right place at the right time to make a difference in my life. So many kind strangers! My loving family, my youth advisor when I was a wayward teen, various bishops, dear friends, even school teachers. I neglected to mention, (but now I will!) that there was a sweet friend in the hallway at church who doesn’t even know me that well, but whose face now hangs in my Angel Portrait Gallery. She listened to my experience, let me cry on her shoulder, and told me I was beautiful several Sundays ago when I had left Relief Society trying to escape the never-ending discussion about my weight gain.

And you’re not going to believe this, but another angel turned out to be the mechanic, Big Gulp Addict. And I’ll use his real name, now: Terry. We were only at the Boy Scout Jamboree for about an hour and a half! (Only 90 minutes with the Boy Scouts and Eli still came home saying, “Boo Ya!”) The first thing they tried (replacing the thermostat) had worked! Chris had really bonded with Terry and was amazed that he had dropped everything to come help us that day-- on a Saturday when most mechanics were closed—and only charged us 80 bucks! He was so touched and impressed by his kindness that he threw in an additional $20 for Terry because 80 seemed so ridiculously little. Chris’ theory was that it had actually been Heavenly Father’s mercy that we broke down in Redneckville as opposed to DC where the cost of repair would have been exponentially higher.

The car worked like new! Even the A/C was fixed! So Chris and I decided to continue our trek out to see the gosh-darn mini-van that had caused us all this trouble. It’s a Honda Odyssey, about 5 years old, but the miles were the lowest we had seen for that price, so I think that will be the one you will see me driving around in.

Shortly. Hopefully. In a week. After the guy fixes the DVD player and drives it up to deliver it to us. If nothing else goes wrong!

But my new game plan is not to expect things to go wrong anymore. Because God’s hand is in my life, and I’m pretty convinced he’s got his eye on us. Elder Holland’s talk touched me so much as I listened last weekend during Conference. As I re-read it, I feel even more like the content was for me.

He said, “Often enough [our] distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal.” Like the story Elder Holland told of the young boy in the dangerous river, saying, “Darkness . . . afraid . . . river . . . alone,” I had gotten myself into a mess and was saying, “Stranded. . . afraid . . . broken car . . . middle of nowhere . . . HELP!!” And help did come.

If the lesson from this is that God cares about the little things, then my every day life should be even more in that category. The pile of laundry and the overwhelming PTA assignment. I know He’s there and listening, and I’m going to make a better effort to listen back and maybe I can then be an angel in a small way to someone else who needs me down the road.

*Go here and scroll down to the section on Mormons for a brief explanation of why Mormons call each other brother and sister.

Angels (Part 1 of 2)

2008-10-13T12:02:00.003-04:00

Well, it started out as a good idea, and hopefully, in the end it will not turn out to be the biggest waste of one of the beautiful fall days God has given us.

We are searching for a second car, due to Chris accepting a job down in the boonies where the buses, trains and metros cannot take him. We are (and by we I mean I) not good at math, but we tried to make sure that the new job’s benefits & pay increase weren’t cancelled out completely by us having to buy a car, then doubling our current car insurance & gas bills. And because we don’t like bankruptcy, this “NEW” car has to be kind of OLD and full of miles. Our price range was pretty low, but at the same time we couldn’t completely buy a lemon.

We’d been scouring Craigslist and AutoTrader, and noticing that if we were willing to drive a little farther to see a car, we could find slightly newer cars with less miles for the same price. Last Saturday we hunkered down and scheduled a road trip to see a couple cars slightly west of town. And by slightly, I mean 89.3 miles. Did I mention I was not good at math?

I think I was thinking this place was a couple (ok max. 5 or 6?) towns away. And I seriously didn’t realize what a road trip we had committed to until I started seeing exit signs for SKYLINE DRIVE! Ummmm… we’re from the DC metro area, and the Shenandoah Mountains are like a different country.

And about this time I was SO REGRETTING the optimism I had that we could do this all with NO AIR CONDITIONING (it had stopped working just the day before!) on what felt like upwards of an 80 degree day. The windows were down, the ipod was not working, the kids were throwing things out the open windows whenever they weren’t FIGHTING.

Then suddenly things got worse.

“Holy Cow, we’re overheating!” Chris said, and pulled us over on the side of the road an exit or 2 before Front Royal. Luckily, Chris knows a bit about cars, and he lifted the hood and checked a few things, but ultimately, this was a problem that indicated a lengthy visit with a mechanic. Our road trip seemed to be over. But how would we get home????

We decided to hold a family prayer.

For some reason, I felt like we should call the used car salesman that we had an appointment with. We did, and honestly, he didn’t seem too concerned about us dying in the Shenandoahs, which was my big concern. He said if the car could make it a few more exits, there was a WalMart with a car service center. And good luck.

So Chris skillfully coasted us 3 or 4 miles, stopping every 100 yards or so to let the car cool down. WalMart, it turned out, did not do repairs. Just tire and lube. Somehow I just trusted Chris to get us out of this mess while I took Eli and Mia to the WalMart bathrooms. When we were done, the update from Chris was that he talked to a dude that knew a dude and a mechanic was headed over to meet us & would be there in 10 minutes.

Part of me was so devastated that we had driven for so long, and now for nothing! Definitely no site-seeing on Skyline Drive, which would be the reason any sane person would have driven this far. And the insane reason we had actually driven out was going to be for naught, too. There was to be no car shopping and solving this problem that’s pretty urgent for us right now. Chris has an angel friend that has been loaning him a car for the past week and a half. But here we were, a family of 4, crammed into a sedan that’s now broken down. Do you think we need a different car??????? Do you think??????

I called around to a couple dealerships to see if they had shuttle service so we could come look at cars… Nope. Nothing. And we were in the middle of nowhere.

We arrived in a garage in someone’s backyard, basically. A couple houses over, there were people sitting on the front porch with teeth missing. Redneckville. My level of confidence in the mechanic was not overly enhanced by the fact that we stopped off by 7-11 on the way. (Um we are having an emergency here… And you are stopping by SEV!!!!!!)

A buddy of the mechanic’s had been along for the ride. We shook hands and he said, “Hi, I’m David. Praise The Lord.” I said, “Um… OK…. Thanks.” Which I think was probably not the appropriate response, but I’ve never been greeted that way before. He told me there was a park we could walk around in while the work was being done, and I was anxious to get the bleep out of there so I could go have an anxiety attack in private, rather than in the presence of David Praise The Lord and the Big Gulp Addict.

To be continued... Part 2 will be posted tomorrow.

More Before & After

2008-10-06T09:00:00.000-04:00

Believe it or not, I cut off 10 inches of my hair last Thursday! It is now being sent to Locks of Love. I like it! It's out of my way, and I feel like I'm wearing a pony tail all the time, but it's not, it's just my normal lighter load of hair now!

Activity Day Girls: Write Your Testimony

2008-10-05T18:57:00.003-04:00

We recently invited one of my favorite people, Judy Cox to Activity Day Girls to teach us how to do calligraphy. We talked about testimony a bit, and what it was. We bore our testimony to the girls. Then the girls had a GREAT time learning the basics and later starting to write out their testimony. (My feeble attempt is above.) It takes LOTS of practice to become good at calligraphy. Judy said it was a bit like taking a Spanish lesson one night, then attempting to write a proficient essay by yourself the same night. Still, it was great fun & good exposure to something that the girls can work on if they're interested later.

Love This Time of Year

2008-10-01T21:29:00.004-04:00

Click here for a great idea for a General Conference Kit for your visiting teachees. Click here for an awesome General Conference Activity Packet for Kids. Click here if you don't know what General Conference is.

Before and After

2008-09-26T23:58:00.007-04:00

Ok people. No one can say I don't sacrifice for you. I just finished my project 15 minutes ago! And here it is!

Before

After

So here's how this came about. We have such a small townhome and one of the things it doesn't have is a mudroom. We don't even have a coat closet in our entry way. So I came up with the ingenious idea of buying this bench from Ikea so we would have a launch pad for going in and coming out, and I have my kids stick their shoes in the compartment below the little bench. Also, our budget has not been able to afford the beautiful big screen plasma TV and entertainment center. Our 27" dinosaur TV sits on cheap Ikea shelving that normally belongs in a garage. So a few years ago, I decided to do some wood burning and mimic some flowers that we have on the living room curtains nearby. I was rather proud of this dramatic improvement of the cheap Ikea pine, and the Ikea bench has also been needing its facelift for a while. I'm so happy that I finally got this checked off my list!

Here's the curtain that was the inspiration:

Here is the shelf I wood-burned a few years ago.

Here's the tool I used.

I will say that one bump in the road I had was that I had planned to trace and transfer the images from my first shelf to the "shoe bench." But that didn't work out at all, so I had to do the unthinkable (FREEHAND!!-- My mother in law drew the template for me on my TV shelf. See more of her amazing art here.) And you know, it really didn't turn out that bad! Here's some detail.

Garden Envy

2008-09-25T20:43:00.004-04:00

When we were out in Utah, I couldn't believe how beautiful my sister's vegetable garden was. It's a dream I just couldn't achieve out here. In Utah, they have 1) big yards. Yeah, that helps. 2) Sun, sun, sun! Things just bloom and bloom and bloom because once you add irrigation, it's vegetable heaven. 3) My sister is able to hire someone to come and weed! 4) I just don't hear stories of them fighting the squirrels, groundhogs, birds, and bugs. (Sometimes a curse that our home backs into woods!) 5) They decided to go for the gold and read books about it and do everything by the book. Maybe that would be more effective than winging it, like we sometimes do with our plants. They've got tarp over some of it, and nets over some of it, and it's elevated

so they can use fancy soil, and my gosh, it's beautiful. I am now regretting I didn't take a picture of it. Because it's a pretty exotic sight if you live in Northern Virginia.

I should have taken a picture of just the produce alone! Buckets of apples, tomatoes, onions, zucchini, melons, strawberries, I'm sure I'm forgetting 5 or 10 vegetables that they have out there. Remembering the zucchini that I saw at my sister's house that was longer and thicker than my forearm, I was laughing so hard when I harvested this cabbage from our back yard. It was the size of my fist!!!!! I tried to put a few baby carrot slices in the photo, just to give you a size reference.

The last 5 years that we've owned a house with a little yard, I've vascillated between enthusiastic planting of all the produce that I could arrange, and temptation to just give up. This year we tried a few new things, and a few tried and true. Tomatoes agree with our yard. If I wanted to, I could plant a CRAZY amount of tomato plants and torture myself by learning to can them, etc. But I think it was wise to stick with one small plant. It was the perfect amount to stick in our salads these last few months, and I think the cold weather will soon finish the plant off.

We tried green beans a few years ago in our back yard, and I think it would have been an amazingly beautiful and prolific plant. But a rabbit or a squirrel or something ate the leaves off the plant. Every time the plant would grow new beautiful leaves, the next morning, I would look out the window and just see bare naked stems. This year, I put the beans in the front yard and it worked great for a while, early in the season, then I think some bugs attacked it, and that was the end of that.

I tried herbs for a while, too. We had some success with parsley (succeptible to bugs, though!) and basil, but the cilantro, I just can't keep alive. Peppermint backfired on me because the plant jumped out of the planter, and now I have peppermint growing all over my entire back yard where there should be grass.

Oh, we do have a beautiful blueberry bush. But I actually forget that it's there, because the entire harvest is basically bird food. I guess we need a net. And a weeder, and a sunnier climate, and... and... and...

Also here's a link for you. The soup I made with our pee wee cabbage was a delicious, easy vegetable soup. But I can't give you the recipe!! It comes from the menu I subscribe to at SavingDinner.com. So here's another link (below) where you can get a free sample menu, or subscribe if you want (if you use any of my links, I get a tiny commission.) On the site, you could also get a few downloads (they have freezer menus, where you can put together a bunch of meals at once, a menu of 10 dinners under $10, a menu that's a bunch of dinners from all non-perishable items- in case of emergency type thing, they have a salad menu, soup menu, lunches, breakfasts, even a detox menu... I love, love, love this website, and own all of the downloads I described & many more. Especially since you can count on the ingredients consisting of a lot of whole foods, not having high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated fat & other yucky processed ingredients that are bad for you & your family.)

Late (Late, Late!!!) Sept. 11th Remembrance

2008-09-24T15:00:00.000-04:00

I listened to a podcast recently that was given on the anniversary of 9/11, and it was one of the best talks I've ever heard in my life!

Terror, Triumph, and a Wedding Feast by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (click here to to read the text, click here to listen to/download the podcast.)

"God is anxiously waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can’t if you don’t pray, and He can’t if you don’t dream. "

Get Ready

2008-09-23T05:54:00.002-04:00

I just found myself a celebratory activity for one of these upcoming days when I will have both kids in school for a few hours (well, at least 4 hours or so...) and when I will have stopped babysitting cute little chunkalicious!

There's nothing like a blogging party that could motivate people to actually get off their computers for a few minutes and accomplish something. (Then of course get back on the computer to blog about it.) BooMama is hosting a blog link thing (I can spout off the technical jargon with the best of them) with a "Just like HGTV" theme.

Pick a home improvement project small or large, post before and after pictures on your blog, then post your link over at BooMama's blog on Sept. 26th, (which gives you a whole 3 days) (likely with about 95 others- she's a bit popular over there.) Sound fun? I'm in. It's not going to be a LARGE impressive project. But at least I will be able to say I haven't turned my back COMPLETELY on crafts (i.e. it's not going to involve as much remodeling type of stuff as it is sort of the beautifying crafty sort of stuff.) One project a year's not bad, right?

(I don't know what it is about me and the parenthetical thoughts in this post.)

(It must be all the extra brain energy from not having to entertain a 6 year old, 3 year old and 8 month old the whole day.)

Happy Crafting!

Click here if you're still totally confused.

What I've been doing the past 2 weeks

2008-09-22T13:14:00.006-04:00

With Eli only having been at Kindergarten a week and sending Mia off to preschool 4 days a week, my thoughts were pretty similar to these at the Big Mama blog. I thought about plagerizing them, but instead I'll just quote them, that way, you can go check out her blog later & enjoy some frequent chuckles, like I have. The difference between Big Mama and I was that she was sending her only child to Kindergarten and babysitting twins for a morning. I was sending Eli to Kindergarten & Mia to preschool, and babysitting for a couple of weeks. But having the kids away would have still left me with an empty house for a few hours to feel sorry for myself if it weren't for a little chunky baby coming to visit me. So, yeah, this was pretty much my same experience! [I added everything in brackets, of course.]

[The first day of school,] I hugged and kissed [Eli] goodbye, then walked out of the school and back to the car. [I] prayed for [him] and that’s when the tears began to fall. I knew I was on the verge of a full on ugly cry.

But look!

I went to the baby store and bought a new baby!

Oh I kid.

[My friend's daycare fell through for a couple weeks, and she] called me to ask if I could watch [her little daughter.] I had to think about it for a moment because if I kept the [baby] that would interfere with my original plan of sitting on my bed with a bowl of M&M’s, crying and watching old videos of [Eli and Mia].

I think I made the right choice.

Although I will say it is dangerous hormonal territory to drop your child off at Kindergarten and then go spend [several] hours with [a] precious, squishy baby.

It was finally time to pick [Eli] up and after navigating the seventh circle of carpool hell [which made us switch permanently from Kiss 'n' Ride to the bus!], I finally saw my [boy]. [His] smile couldn’t have been bigger. As we drove away, I asked, “How was your day?”

“IT WAS GREAT! I’M GOING AGAIN TOMORROW!”

So I think [he] liked it.

This Story Has To Be Told

2008-09-19T11:59:00.004-04:00

I had an experience last Sunday that is too crazy not to be shared with the blogging world.

At church on Sunday, I came into the Relief Society room happy and surprised to see a woman I visit taught a while ago, who I’ve only seen at church two or three times since I moved here 5 years ago. For anonymity’s sake, I’ll call her Fanny. I went up to her and said, “HI!! So nice to see you here!”

She says “Hi! IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’VE GAINED WEIGHT!!!”

Oh yes, she did.

Long pause from me. My original smile faded into a fake smile trying to hide the shock and horror. My brain racing trying to give her the benefit of the doubt (why would she be saying this to me???) Finally I managed to say, “Um, yes I have.” Couldn’t do the fake smile anymore. By now I’m rolling my eyes and sighing.

Fanny says, “YOU’RE NOT… I MEAN… YOU’RE NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT???”

“NO I’M NOT!!!!!!!!” My face changes into complete impatience.

“OH I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU WERE EXPECTING A BABY! I’M SORRY! I mean I thought maybe you were happy about it and you’re not? Gee, I’m sorry! You mean you’re not expecting?”

I am interspersing, “No.” “That’s ok.” “No, I’m not.” “NO!” “No!” and “No!!!” “Hey, let’s talk about visiting teaching! Guess what, they switched us and I’m you’re visiting teacher again.” Trying desperately to change the subject.

“WELL, WHY DID YOU GAIN SO MUCH WEIGHT, THEN?”

“I. DON’T. KNOW.” “So um, yeah. Visiting teaching…?” It didn’t work.

“WELL, DON’T YOU EVER EXERCISE????????”

I am dying!!!! She will not DROP IT! “Actually, I exercise quite a bit. And Fanny, you can’t ask people if they’re pregnant! That makes them feel bad!”

“I’m sorry! I just thought you were happy about all that weight gain. YOU’RE PROBABLY TOO BUSY WITH YOUR OTHER KIDS TO EXERCISE. I know! Why don’t we exercise together??”

I’d rather die. I AM dying. Dying, dying, dying. And Fanny, I might add is not the smallest woman in the world. She’s actually quite a large woman with a fairly large voice. I’m looking around the room. I’m pretty sure her voice is carrying across the whole room but no one is rescuing me, and everyone is hearing all this! Dying, dying, dying.

I mutter something inaudible and start to walk away. She follows me. “SO WHERE ARE WE SITTING?”

Great. We go and sit down on the front row. Fanny continues, “Yeah, I know how it is to GAIN A LOT OF WEIGHT.”

This is not happening. I try 2 or 3 more times to change the subject. She was BOUND AND DETERMINED to keep talking about it.

“I’M SO SORRY I THOUGHT YOU WERE PREGNANT. I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE PREGNANT. YOU JUST LOOKED LIKE YOU MIGHT BE PREGNANT.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. The only way out was to physically exit. “Excuse me. I have to go to the bathroom.” I was half scared she was going to FOLLOW ME OUT!

Luckily, she didn’t. But wow, that was a tough experience. I spent about 20 minutes crying my eyes out in the women’s bathroom. I kind of had watery eyes for the rest of the day.

Let me be honest. She’s not the first person to have been rude enough to ask me if I was pregnant when no, I’m just overweight. L But it hit me so hard because it was so unmerciful. Usually people who ask me if I’m pregnant are merciful enough to drop the subject quickly and walk away! Also, it kind of devastates me because I prefer to be in denial. I thought I looked pretty cute that day when I left the house that morning. But when I looked in the full length mirror in the women’s bathroom, the truth was, yes, I did look like a pregnant person walking towards her, especially if you haven’t seen me in a couple years.

It just made me sad that she pointed out something that was true, but that I hoped people overlooked.

And the hard part is that I can’t wish that I would never see her again, because it’s such a great thing that she wants to come to church. But I hope God forgives me if I’m not her Number One Most Enthusiastic Fellowshipper for a while.

Whew! I’m glad that’s off my chest.

Web Round-up ("How To" Edition)

2008-09-09T21:01:00.000-04:00

I have seen posts like this on other blogs, and I quite liked them. It's just a little collection of links I have come across lately and thought I'd share them because they were cool.

1. How to Hem Jeans

2. How to Dress For A Family Portrait

3. How to Become Un-Depressed After Reading the News

4. How to Fight Seasonal Allergies (Including a Saline Solution For Your Neti Pot)

5. How to Get Your Kids to Sleep Longer In The Morning

Crafty Blog Giveaway

2008-09-05T22:30:00.002-04:00

My friend has a beautiful artsy crafty blog called Aunt Spicy. Click over there before Sunday, Sept. 7th, and leave a comment telling her what was the favorite thing you have ever made, and you may win one of 6 cute things. I am sharing this against my own good judgment because the more comments over there obviously decrease my chances, but I'm hoping for a good karma reward for sharing with you all a cool thing. :)

My Thoughts on Eli's First 2 Days of School: Fingers Crossed

2008-09-03T23:13:00.004-04:00

"I went to elementary school for the very first time and all my mom captured was this lousy little snippet!"

The first day of school we barely made it to the classroom by the skin of our teeth. Needless to say, I did not remember to take the camera out of Chris' backpack so we could get a first day picture! I was so flustered, that I couldn't even figure out how to switch my cell phone from video camera to normal camera. Ridiculous. I'll have to take some really cute pictures of him later this week. We had gotten back from Rehoboth Beach at 11:45 pm the night before, then stayed up late scrubbing the sand off the kids before they finally went to bed. Despite this, Eli woke up, got himself dressed with the outfit we laid out the night before, came to my bed, woke me up and said, "Mommy, I'm ready to go to school now."*

He has loved it so far. I think this not because he has told me. Mostly from motherly intuition, reason and deduction, and pure lawyer-like inquisition. "But you said you had circle time after snack time. You can't have had recess the whole day!" "And what did you do after you cut the paper? And what did you do after you glued the paper?" Man, sometimes I wish my first child was a girl just so I could HEAR ABOUT THESE THINGS IN DETAIL! (Who did you sit by at lunch, and what were they wearing and who got their feelings hurt that day????????) It may be the nosy mom in me, or the gossipy girl in me or it may be that I just love autumn time and the beginning of the school year. Is it weird that I want to don my own backpack and sit next to him with my own shiny new pack of pencils and crayons? But I really do think he is loving it. He will say little things like, "Yay! Tomorrow I get to go to school again!"

How very cool to have a grade schooler who stays at school all day! This summer has worn me out. Having Eli gone for almost 8 hours was a peaceful break from Eli & Mia fighting, and from the poor little guys either being exhausted because I took them on outings that were too ambitious, or being completely bored and whiny while I tried to catch up on my "to do" list, and they were sick of all the at-home-activitities. It's just been a tiny bit quieter and the house has stayed a tiny bit cleaner.

I am thrilled with Eli's teacher. I was so afraid Eli would end up with some sort of grouchy disciplinarian. But instead we got a smiling, beaming, young, fun teacher. Her name is Ms. Assad, and she reminds me a bit of Jordin Sparks.

Walking into the huge K-6 public school was a bit scary for both Eli AND me. As I took him down the hall this morning, only Kindergarten parents were allowed into the building (this first week only... actually, come to think of it, I'm not entirely sure they will let me in if I try tomorrow!) and we passed by set after set of scrutinizing eyes from the elementary school staff. I know it's for the kids' protection, and I'm glad. But I just felt like I was in trouble! I felt as if at any moment I might hear: "Where's your hall pass?!!" "I don't know, Ms. Principal! I'm new here!" "Tough! 10 hours of detention!" It's going to take a while for me to get used to it, since I've taken him to a preschool for the last 3 years where the parents participate in the classroom so much!

My only notes of hesitation are that I sure hope I made the right decision keeping him in Kindergarten again this year. Last year his class at Franconia Baptist had homework EVERY SINGLE night, and the parents were encouraged to sign up for weekly slots where we would come in and read with the kids. At first just simple stuff like "Matt sat on the cat." But Eli progressed to the point where now he can read almost anything in the beginner's section of the library. This year, Ms. Assad said they would occasionally have homework that would just take them 3 minutes, and as for parents coming in to read with the kids, when I asked, she said something to the effect that they don't really learn to read this year.

So basically, yes, Mrs. Evans (his teacher last year) would be saying, "I TOLD YOU SO!!!" But I sure hope he won't be too bored, and that we will be glad in the end that he's not the youngest, struggling to keep up, and emotionally less mature. Can any of us have kids out in this world without the biggest prayer constantly in our hearts for their futures?

That worried feeling will probably be in my heart for him forever. But after all the stress, things usually really do tend to work out.

So in summary, I hope Eli loves it, but I'm pretty sure he does and will. And I hope Kindergarten's the right place for him this year. I'm pretty sure it is and will be. Fingers crossed. :)

*Reminded my husband of this conversation from the beginning of Finding Nemo:

NEMO:  First day of school! First day of school! Wake up, wake up! C'mon, first day of school!
MARLIN:  I don't wanna go to school. Five more minutes.
NEMO:  Not you, dad. Me!

Not a Waste of Time

2008-09-02T17:21:00.000-04:00

Why Blog?

"You will have significant experiences. I hope that you will write them down and keep a record of them, that you will read them from time to time and refresh your memory of these meaningful and significant things. Some of them may be funny. Some may be of significance only to you. Some of them may be sacred and quietly beautiful. Some may build one upon another until they represent a lifetime of special experience."

"To you women of today, who are old or young, may I suggest to you that you write, that you keep journals . . . Writing is a great discipline. It is a tremendous education effort. It will assist you in various ways, and you will bless the lives of many--now and in the years to come, as you put on paper some of your experiences and some of your musings."

~President Gordon B. Hinckley~

My friend, Sarah had this quote on her blog and I LOVED it!! :) Now if I could just justify reading so many! :)

Activity Day Girls: The Sacarment Ordinance

2008-08-29T12:29:00.001-04:00

We made bread on the 58 minute cycle in my bread machine using this recipe. (If you try that link, scroll down for whole wheat bread recipe) We got permission from the Young Men's President to have our bread used for the sacrament ordinance the next Sunday. (I'm sticking it in my freezer in the interim to keep it fresh.)

The girls prepared FHE kits to teach their families about the importance of the Sacrament.

Materials needed:
Colored simple 2 pocket folders to keep the lesson in
Clear plastic overhead projector sheets, 1 for each girl
1 Dry erase marker for each girl
1 sandwich size ziplock bag for each girl

Copies to make or print out:
1 FHE Lesson Agenda for each girl
1 of Pictures of Savior Instituting Sacrament for each girl
1 Sacrament Questions for each girl
2 copies of Sacrament tray for each girl (one copied on white paper and one copied on gray paper)

Allow the girls to review the FHE lesson with you as they prepare it. They will need to color the pictures of the Savior Instituting the Sacrament, put the appropriate scripture on the back of each one, and be familiar with the scripture and its meaning. They will also need to cut out the sacrament cups from the white paper, put the numbers 1-8 on the back, then put them in their ziplock bags. They can also label the front of their folders with their name & the name of the FHE lesson & decorate away, if they want.

Treat: (idea from Primary Partners Faith in God We Love Activity Days) Promise Pudding. I just bought snack size puddings for them. We talked about the promises we make at baptism, renewed when we take the sacrament.

Love and Healing

2008-08-27T12:47:00.001-04:00

The other day, early in the morning, as I was thinking about things before I got up, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself for various reasons. And I caught myself pre-meditating which kind of cookies/treats I was going to eat that day. Of course, I know I go to food for comfort, but I think also, to provide myself with love or attempt to heal emotional wounds. (I know I'm getting a bit deep on you guys, here...) But sugary foods are not healing or necessarily loving. So I tried to correct my thinking a bit by making a list of things that ARE healing & loving.

When you need emotional healing:

Prayer and spiritual experiences are healing.
Physical rest is healing.
Actual balanced nutrition is healing.
Movement is healing.
Creative expression is healing.
Cleanliness is healing.
Progress reports aid healing.
Touch & massage are healing.
Talking, crying, emoting are healing when it doesn't hurt others.
Boundaries are healing.
Schedules and routines can be healing.
Pushing yourself a little more each day can be healing.
Gratitude is healing.
Learning & education can be healing.
Breathing is healing.
Reducing negative thinking can be like tylenol.
Service to others can reduce emotional swelling (being puffed up with ego) like ibuprofin.

When you need to love yourself:

Pamper yourself.
Get your physical needs met.
Allow rest, work and play.
Beautify your environment.
Daily devotionals to borrow love from God, if you don't have any for yourself.
Don't say mean things to yourself!
Say nice things to yourself... affirmations: I am a good person. I have worth. My body is a miracle of science. There are so many beautiful things about me.

What else? How do you show yourself love and healing? I know it's squeamish for some people to talk about, but it's reality. We all need to receive love & healing from our own selves. Because who else is going to do it if you don't?

Husband Appreciation Week

2008-08-25T18:21:00.000-04:00

Things around here have started falling apart left and right. Not too long ago, we noticed the freezer was working fine, but the refrigerator was getting less & less cool, almost room temperature! Chris took apart the refrigerator wiring panel 3 times, bought different parts for it and finally fixed it. Intermittently, he defrosted the darn thing every 2 weeks until he found out what was wrong!

The fridge had barely started working again when we noticed some wetness on the carpet in a really random place on the carpet in front of our furnace. Since our kids walk around with water bottles and often spill (and one even pees sometimes) all over the place, we cleaned it up and dismissed it until we realized it came back in the same place the next day.

After some phone calls consulting with Chris’ dad, Master Handyman, he tracked it down to a clogged drain in our air conditioning unit. I know I’m not explaining it right, but apparently, our air conditioning has a pipe of water connected to it that it uses to cool the air. This was clogged, and overflowed out to the carpet. I never knew there was a water pipe anywhere near the furnace. Go figure.

You wouldn’t even believe what a project fixing this was. It involved borrowing plumbing equipment and pretty much wasting an entire Saturday taking apart vents and ducts and sawing plastic pipes and sealing them back up again. (We had Loren Alred helping him- what an angel- he loaned us the plumbing snake, got just as dirty, and gave his whole Saturday to it, too.) I think I even saw Chris’ sander out for some reason. What an ordeal. Our house was a disaster.

But I’m so grateful. Because if it weren’t for Chris’ willingness to really get in there, get dirty and figure out how to fix it, I’m sure we would be out a bazillion dollars for a professional plumber to come out. And you may or may not know from sad experience, that it is as hard to trust a plumber as it is a used car salesman or car mechanic. No offense to anyone in these professions, but this has been my experience.

Speaking of car mechanics, we have car problems right now, too. The “Check Engine” light has been on, and so to top off his not-so-fun Saturday, he stopped by the auto-parts store and picked up some spark plugs and wires. This will be his evening activity tonight. I’ll keep you posted on whether Chris can conquer the car problems, too!

After a long day Saturday, he stretched out on the couch to hopefully get a few minutes relaxation, and SNAP, went a mouse trap under our stove. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chris to the rescue again. Because you would be SADLY MISTAKEN if you thought I would sometimes be the one to take care of things like that.

It makes me want to call tomorrow and double our life insurance policy. What would I ever do without him? It would be expensive to have to pay people to come to your rescue like that again and again. It makes me wonder if sometimes we have weeks like this so that I don’t take him for granted. He is the best husband in the world.

Olympics Treat (Hurry! You have 2 more nights!)

2008-08-22T20:08:00.004-04:00

We enjoyed this delicious little treat while watching the Olympics one evening. Chris discovered that he liked a bit of Postum (of all things) stirred into his hot chocolate. The almond pastry was awesome! Our whole family loved it.

Delicious Swedish Almond Pastry/Biscuit Type Thing

3 cups flour
3/4 cup sugar
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 to 1 tsp salt
9 Tbsp butter
1 egg
3/4 cup milk
1/2 to 1 tsp almond extract
beaten egg for brushing on top
Pearl Sugar for topping

Preheat oven to 437 degrees F. (Don't ask me. It's the conversion over from Celsius that makes it weird.) Mix flour, sugar, salt and baking powder. Add butter and mix with fingers or a fork. Add egg, milk, and almond extract, and work into a dough. Roll the dough out into two rectangles about 1/2 inch thick. (I rolled it right out onto the greased cookie sheet.) Score the dough into small rectangles about 2-3 inches wide. Brush with beaten egg. Sprinkle with pearl sugar. Bake for 12-15 minutes. Enjoy!

Unbelievable Awesome (QUICK) Whole Wheat Bread II

This is from the same awesome source as the first bread recipe we posted. We used freshly ground whole wheat flour. (It's easy- no one could accuse me of being a pioneer. We scooped the grain into this cool grinder, and 60 seconds later we had the most beautiful whole wheat flour.) So I can't say if it was the freshly ground flour that made the big difference, but I have a feeling that the recipe was the winning element. :) I posted the recipe below for a normal oven, but we tossed the ingredients into our bread machine, put it on the 58 minute cycle, and had great results.

4 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup instant oatmeal
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons wheat gluten

Mix the above ingredients together with wisk

1 egg
1/2 cup honey
1 3/4 cups warm water

Mix together with a wisk until all honey is disolved

Add one half of the dry ingredients above and add

1 1/2 tablespoons of Saf-instant yeast

Add rest of dry ingredients and mix until dough is well formed (about five minutes).

Add a few drops of oil, mix a couple of turns and Let dough rest in bowl until double in size

Make into a loaf and put into greased bread pan and let it double in size

Bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes.

Blog Pitch

2008-08-20T22:54:00.002-04:00

Some of you know I have another blog. And those who don't may wonder why I don't give updates on my kids more often. Well, the updates are at this blog most of the time. And I've been using it as a place to post pictures of vacations or occasionally just what we're up to type stuff. If you subscribe to Something Beautiful or Humorous, you'll probably want to subscribe to Eli and Mia's Virtual Scrapbook, as well. I end up putting just as much time in to making little videos or posts about the kids, etc.

Not that I don't talk about my kids on this blog sometimes. But it's more of an editorial & not so much a description of how we're doing. And that's important too. So feel free to check it out from time to time.

Note: Embarrassingly, I did plug Eli & Mia's blog a while back, and then shortly thereafter, I temporarily abandoned it for a while. But it now has a new look and I've been trying to post frequently over there, because the posts are more simple. I was on an every day streak for a while there. Not to get the expectations up so much, but check it out. :)

Ok?

Thanks.

Activity Day Girls: Tithing & Budgeting

2008-08-17T20:38:00.007-04:00

We made prayer sticks out of popsicle sticks, glue, and some random things I found in my craft box (sticky gems, dried flowers, etc.) I found when I was calling on someone to say the opening and closing prayer, a lot of the girls would whine or say "no." So this way, I'll be able to keep track whose "turn" it is to say the prayer. (Keep them in a little cup, and draw one out each time I call on someone, so that I don't keep calling on the same people over and over again.)

I used Primary Partners Faith In God We Love Activity Days as the main source for this idea. They glued labels (printed out from Primary Partners) on 5 different envelopes. The labels were "Tithing," "Education," "Long Term Savings," "Short Term Savings," and "Spending." There was a space for them to write which percentage of their money they would put in each.

While they were doing the previous 2 activities, I read a bunch of stories from the Friend magazine and after each story, they told me what envelope the story reminded them of. Here are the stories (I was looking for budgeting stories, but if you're looking for tithing stories, there are tons. Search at www.lds.org):

Following The Prophet
Friend to Friend (Spending Money story at the end)
Thankful For The Prophet
Five Little Fish

At the end, we had a scripture chase with these scriptures and a little discussion after each about what it meant:

Doctrine and Covenants 119:3-6
Doctrine and Covenants 64:23
Doctrine and Covenants 97:10-12
3 Nephi 13:2
Malachi 3:8-12
Matthew 6:32-33
Proverbs 3:9-10
Mosiah 18:27-28

This is a great age for them to begin scripture chasing. They all needed help, but it felt like a big accomplishment every time they found one. The treat was an idea from Primary Partners, too. I toasted and buttered bread, then put cinnamon sugar on some, and green colored sugar on others. The green, I cut into rectangles, like dollar bills, and the cinnamon, I took the smallest biscuit cutter and cut into "coins." After all that, I left it at home!!!!!!!!! But here's the photo I took, anyway. The thought was supposed to be that if we don't pay our tithing, we will be "toast" at the second coming.

Also, here is a link for the Primary Partners Faith In God book that I was using:

Just A Blast

2008-08-14T15:08:00.003-04:00

Cardon Family Reunion Top 10

Mia getting a cousin crush on Nick (14 years old)! ("Is Nick downstairs? I'm going downstairs." "Nick's eating dinner right now? Ok. I'll eat dinner, then." "I'm going to show Nick my new headband.") (By the way, all the older cousins have superhero/fairytale status with our kids now. They are pretending they are the big kids now that we are home. "You be Chase. I'm Melia.")
Sweet Nick thought he would make Mia's day by offering to be her partner in the compass treasure hunt game. He comes over and says, "Mia, do you want to be my partner?" Mia screams and hides her face in her hands and runs behind me. I guess it could be traumatic when someone so cool talks to you in person!
Eli made a friend, too. Zach (7) and Eli (6) played and played and played. Our family can't wait until Zach & his family come to visit DC next April!
The Laugh Fest that went until 1:30 a.m. one night. I loved eavesdropping on family anecdotes & I love the types of relationships where you can get together and just crack up. Other than the laugh fest, I laughed quite a bit the whole 3 days just at people wise cracking & generally being light hearted & good natured. A sense of humor is so important.
I loved the skits! We had 29 people at the family reunion (including babies.) They had divided us up into 3 groups and given us a bag of props. More laughing & losing those inhibitions. The kids had a blast, too.
Another opportunity for dramatic voices came in the form of story time for the Grandkids. Grandma read "The Grey Lady and the Strawberry Snatcher" and Grandpa read "Wiley and the Hairy Man." If we got that on video, I'm sure my kids are going to be watching their copy all the time!
Seeing a Moose! We were SO HIGH up there in the mountains. We were already about 6000 feet elevation, then the paved roads ended! We went up another 1000 feet on just dirt roads. I thought Moose were only in Alaska. But apparently they live in Utah, too, if you go far enough away from civilization like we did.
ATV's & Guitar Hero. Thank you so much, Jeremy! What a cool brother-in-law to have. :)
Grandma & Grandpa's store. To have a child or teenager come up to you when it's your turn for clean-up duty and say, "What can I do to help?" is one of the best things I can think of. Kids were given little fake coins and dollar bills for good behavior or doing things to help out, and at the end, they used it to buy little toys and things from the "store."
Listening to Neil & Sandra's testimonies the last day and feeling so much love for them & appreciating all their sacrifices for us. Appreciating so much the love they have for us & how important these reunions are for us to build close relationships and be a blessing to one another.

What have I left out? There were so many fun activities. Just a genius planner (Jen!), and tons of other fun stuff like crafts for the kids, kid olympics, yummy meals, a pinata, board games, family pictures & official T-shirts (numbers corresponding to when we joined the family), then ending with lunch at the Dairy Keen.

We stupidly never got out our camera and I will have to post more pictures later when I can steal them from my in-laws. I stole the top 2 pictures from my sister-in-law's (private) blog (she's such an amazing photographer- I wish you could see her blog), but I'm not sure if it's going to work. If it doesn't, I'll get some on here later.

Dear Careless Traveler,

2008-08-13T19:34:00.003-04:00

Do you think the next time you visit McDonalds at the Dallas Fort Worth Airport, you could walk the 10 paces to the trash can to throw away your half-full cup of orange soda so that my 3-year-old would not START SUCKING ON IT????????????????????? Not only did she get to drink that disgusting, unhealthy HFCS poison, but she now has all of your lovely germs.

Same with the person who left the Starbucks coffee cup a few seats away. Mia would have tasted that, too, if I hadn't stopped her!!!!!

This was on the way HOME! On the way TO Utah, Mia not only picked up candy wherever she saw it laying on the ground, but the worst was at the curbside check-in. I was standing near the counter with Mia at my side playing around, when I noticed her spitting something out of her mouth. To my HORROR ("horror" doesn't seem to be a strong enough word!!!), she had found a piece of ABC gum stuck to the pavement, and she stuck it in her mouth and starting chewing it!!!! I screamed! I'm sure they were ready to call security. But I was ready to call Poison Control. Nearly hyperventilating. "Never!!!!!! (pant, pant) Ever!!!!!!!! (pant, pant) eat gum off the ground again, Mia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (pant, pant, gasp!!!!!!!!)" (Notice how unfortunate it was that I neglected to specify that I also meant candy, fruit snacks, goldfish, softdrinks or any other beverage, edible or inedible item!)

Out of Body Experience

2008-08-12T16:37:00.001-04:00

Going to the mountains with my husband for our anniversary without kids was like having someone else's life for a few days.

We're eating dinner outdoors by the goldfish pond and pleasantly watching other peoples' kids throw in bread crumbs for the fish to enjoy... AND ice cubes AND their plastic cups AND almost try to teeter in themselves. And we smile knowingly, nodding our heads, sighing with all that free time and relaxation on our hands.

We're watching what WE want to watch on the hotel TV (I mean Veggie Tales is fun and all, but...). We're having complete uninterrupted conversations. We're sleeping in late into the morning.

We're renting mountain bikes without child seats. No training wheels, no tricycles! Just the two of us and the mountain air on our faces, enjoying the scenery of deer, wildflowers, steep mountain inclines on either side of us. Kids? What kids?

And how could I forget my MASSAGE! At the hotel SPA!!!!!!!! Is this my life????

Swimming in The Crater, feeling like adventurous young people, not like middle aged parents with worry lines engraved in their foreheads.

Dressing up to go to dinner, having all the time in the world, being able to choose between driving in to Park City, or going with the recommendation of the Heber City locals.

Stuffing our faces with Mexican food, forgetting that we actually do have the metabolism of mid-30s people and not 20 somethings. Woops! Better go back to a bit of reality. It felt like someone else's life, someone else's body, perhaps. But the truth is, it WAS actually me. What a blessed, lucky life to be able to celebrate 8 blessed years with my husband on a little vacation like this.

Back in a week.......... :)

2008-08-03T23:49:00.000-04:00

The mountains of Heber Valley are the location for this year's Cardon Family Reunion. Part of the week, Chris and I will get to celebrate our coolest anniversary (#8 on 08/08/08!!!!!!!!) at the Homestead Resort, while Eli and Mia have a long "sleep over" at Grandma & Grandpa's. I'm armed with guided relaxation podcasts to get through any airline disasters. Non-anxiety is going to be my theme. Wish me lots of peace and zen and unity with the universe. We'll see you when we get back!

Can't stop thinking about...

2008-08-02T22:25:00.002-04:00

I can't stop thinking about an excellent movie I recently watched. More accurately, it was a BBC Mini-Series we rented from Netflix: Bleak House, based on the book by Charles Dickens. I can't even tell you how much I loved it. I think there were at least 14 episodes or something like that, and to me, it just seemed like one great, suspenseful movie. I just kept wanting more and more. It stars Gillian Anderson of X-Files fame, and I can't decide if the reason it was so good was the unbelievably great story by Dickens, or the artful way the movie was created by the BBC.

And it really makes me incredulous that I haven't read more of Charles Dickens' books. In fact, I haven't read ANY!! I've only seen plays or movies of Oliver Twist, The Christmas Carol, Dombey and Son, and David Copperfield. And all of them are so great. Are any of you avid Dickens readers? Should I just keep renting movies or should I pick up a few titles? I'm seriously tempted to read Bleak House just to see how much the movie deviated from the actual book. Usually the book is better, but I will say with one other classic, Hollywood did a much better job- don't read The Count of Montecristo. The movie changed things around and did a much better job.

While we're on the subject of TV and movies, here are 2 other things we love. BBC's Robin Hood! Last year I raved about Season 1, and we also liked Season 2. The finale is re-running tomorrow night, but if I were you, I'd rent Season 1 & watch it all in succession.

Second, I thought I was the one and only nerd that secretly enjoyed watching the show, How It's Made, over my husband's shoulder, but now I find out it's actually a pretty widely popular show. One of those things that's SO NERDY that it's a little charming. The thing is my KIDS LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that show. The other day, when Eli came inside having gashed his forehead pretty bad, we were trying to calm him down, so we sat him on the couch with an ice pack, and said he could watch his favorite show. What did he ask for? How It's Made!!! When you watch it, you'll find out that it has this strange calming effect. We have started TiVo-ing it and using it as a bribe! "If you do... you can watch How It's Made." (Cheers & jumping up and down by the kids!!) Unfortunately, there's no DVD to rent or buy, but here is the link to The Science Channel & you can check when it's on in your area.

Activity Day Girls- Honoring Your Parents

2008-08-01T15:15:00.000-04:00

We had a pool party & BBQ at the beginning of the month, then we had a real simple activity last week about honoring your parents and being kind to your family. Most of the time was spent making cookies for the girls to bring home as a surprise to their families. Then they each wrote a letter to their families saying good things about each member and thanking their parents. They LOVE to be artistic, and I had them bring their own stickers & stationery, and they went to town making the letters beautiful. While we were waiting for the cookies to bake, I printed out this article, and we read it together. We had a little role play with me starring as the sassy, mouthy daughter, and we talked about how it's ok to feel angry or frustrated for a moment at their parents, but it will pass & the truth is they really love them! I told them they could roll their eyes at their parents, but only where their parents couldn't see them. :)

Coping

2008-07-31T14:16:00.003-04:00

I have recently made the pleasant discovery that reading library books (especially good ones from reading lists & recommendations) is a relaxing escape and coping strategy for me. Recently, I was feeling stressed, and I was sort of feeling like, "Must read books to kids right now!!!" It's actually a PRODUCTIVE coping strategy for once (contrasting with other coping methods I sometimes use like wasting time on the computer or eating too many Utz Pretzels, for example...!)

Here are some books we have enjoyed lately.*

The Perfect Nest by Catherine Friend. Every once in a while random books inspire days and days of pretending based on the storyline. The kids really enjoyed this book.

Don't Say That Word by Alan Katz. What a funny book! The illustrations are hilarious. It makes me want to get a few more from that author.

006 and a Half by Kes Gray and Nick Sharratt. Best enjoyed with your best spy drama story reading voice.

The Toughest Cowboy: Or How The Wild West Was Tamed by John Frank and Zachary Pullen. Again-- LOVE the illustrations. Maybe that's why I enjoy reading the library books so much. But the story line is just so cute.

And the last pick is a tie between Cowlick by Christin Ditchfield and Bad Dog, Marley! by John Grogan. Cowlick, because I thought it was so cute, and Bad Dog, Marley! because Eli loved it. I think he's at that age where they're fascinated by dogs & pets. I think this story cured him of wanting a dog at home, though. :)

*If you subscribe to this blog & are reading this on a reader, unless I am mistaken, you will not be able to see the links. Come on over to the actual website to see the links.

Go Bollywood!

2008-07-21T21:58:00.006-04:00

I really love that SYTYCD is broadening their list of genres. I thought these 2 Bollywood dances were just so much fun.

Now that you're all in the mood, here are my favorite Bollywood movies you can go and rent. Be forewarned- the thing that's so fun about Indian movies is that there is always singing & dancing. Just like there used to be in American movies in the 50s and 60s, but in India, they still do it today like crazy. It's awesome, I think!

My 2 Favorite Bollywood Movies
Mr. and Mrs. Iyer*
Lagaan

Other Movies About India We Liked
Gandhi
A Passage to India

Hey, pass on any other Bollywood movies you've seen & loved! I'd love some more suggestions.

Oh one more thing. This is the most recent book I read on India. I really enjoyed it. It's Nectar in a Sieve by Kamala Markandaya.

*Of course I had to talk about the singing & dancing, then list one without singing & dancing. But the ones I listed were the ones we gave 4 stars to on Netflix. I just added a few to my Netflix queue that I got from this website.

In Honor of Matchy-Matchy Foo-Foo and being a Schlumpadinka

2008-07-15T18:30:00.005-04:00

Thank you so much everyone, for your encouraging comments about Myra! If you haven't chimed in, I'd still love to hear your opinions. Did I ever mention I enjoy comments on this blog? I liked getting into the story and writing it for this blog, but I don't know where that came from. No guarantees there will ever be decent content on the blog again. :) After the heaviness of the last 4 posts about Myra (she's practically a celebrity in the blog world, now,) I needed some shallowness.

I wanted to post about some things that have had me doing the Happy Dance all summer. I hesitated since summer is already well underway. But finally, today's Oprah's Schlumpadinka Makeover re-run along with the summer sales that are going on now inspired me to finally do it. By the way, I think it should totally be in the Mom Code of Conduct that we can never judge each other when we look like Schlumpadinkas. It happens to the best of us. But all the more celebration & sharing & passing along necessary when we find cute stuff that makes us happy & makes us look & feel great.

Natalie's Summer Picks '08

1. Miraclesuit!!!!!!!!!!!! Skinny people, just go to number 2. I never understood swimsuits with skirts before I was pregnant. Now, I'm kind of relieved that it's not taboo to wear one when you're not pregnant. They have so many cute swim skirts that go with tankinis or different cute swim tops at Target. I got my Miraclesuit at Nordstrom. It was worth every penny. It's nice not to have to feel so miserable about how I looked at the pool. By the way, they have Miraclesuits without skirts, too. The concept of the suit is that it sucks you in really well like Spanx or something. It works really well.

2. Sassari & Cypress Crocs!!!!!!!!! Yes, I said CROCS!!! As in usually it's an ugly garden clog, but this time, you're getting away with the comfort of it all, but in red high heels! They also have a 3 inch WEDGE heel that I love. Love, love, love. At the beginning of the summer I bought 3 pairs in different colors.

3. I am loving this NARS brand lip gloss. You'll have to click on the link to find out the name of the color I like because I don't want to attract THAT kind of traffic to my website, if you know what I mean. But I first bought it because I have a hard time finding lip color that I like, and someone said this color was used by makeup artists for all types of people with all different colorings, and it was made to look good on everyone, type thing. It sounded like the type of thing I would like, probably a pretty natural look, and I was right. I love it. Also, the consistency is SO MUCH BETTER than lip gloss you buy at the drug store. The drug store stuff seems to go on clear, no matter what the color, then it just comes off so easily. This stuff actually feels like it's staying in place, not sliding off my lips.

4. You know how I posted about our family having an official taste test a while ago? Well, I feel like I've been unofficially doing that with moisturizers and cleansers. The marketing & packaging just GET ME!!! I'm exactly who they are trying to sell to, and it's working. I've been so confused what kind to get. I've tried expensive and I've tried cheap. I've read books & internet articles, and I'm no clearer. But I'll tell you what brand I've been really impressed with this summer: Neutrogena. I like this cleanser, this night cream, this daily moisturizer (I'm a real recent convert to all this SPF!! But if they put a little bronzer in there, I'm sold!) and this stuff to take off mascara. It's times like this I wish I had a million viewers on this blog so Neutrogena would pay me money and give me free products. The best thing about my Neutrogena obsession is that you can get it all from the grocery store! Nothing will break the bank. I've just been CONSISTENTLY impressed. Also, it's a blessing that a lot of the anti-aging technology is now common enough to be used by mass manufacturers so we all can get it so easily.

5. This is the coolest thing ever. I had found these cool water bottles that held 64 ounces of water, so you could just tote around your whole day's worth of water & always know how close you were getting. Well, I went through 3 of those stupid jugs, because they cracked and started leaking so easily. I need something I can drop and bump and bang. This thing is awesome. It's made out of more durable plastic that doesn't leach chemicals into your water and can go in the dishwasher. It even has a freezable part that goes inside to keep your water cold all the time.

6. I know 6 isn't a very round number, but I just had to link to one more thing. Target has the cutest handbags, ever. Oh ok, you could probably find something much cuter & designer blah blah blah. Which I may be converted to if our income ever quadruples. But this thing is $9.99!!!!!!!! They have all different designs and they hold a surprising TON of stuff. I should have probably bought several. And this is where the matchy-matchy-foo-foo comes in. The style right now, which I love, is to not wear the same color bag as shoes as earings as shirt as necklace, etc. But to wear a few different brights against a solid or neutral and have a couple different popping contrasts. So I love the fact that I can wear a black dress, a turquoise necklace, my red Croc high heels, and have a green purse. How much fun is that? Like I said, go to Target and buy a few of them for your different outfits.

Keep cool and fashionable. Avoid being a schlumpadinka! You'll feel so much better about yourself! :) I hope you're all having a great summer.

Entanglement (Part 4 of 4)

2008-07-12T11:52:00.000-04:00

Disentangling was pretty ugly. Myra didn’t take it well at all. She was at my door to ask for more bread, and could she come out of the heat again. I realized that my generosity had spurred a dependency after all. I said now wasn’t a good time because I needed to get on with the work of my day, and it was too difficult with a guest. I reminded her that we had helped her out a lot, given her a whole bag of groceries, and we didn’t regret the help we had given, but going forward, the frequency of our help was going to be much less. Our family needed to come first. I also told her (again) that she needed to take steps to help herself and solve the core of her problems instead of continuing to get temporary fixes.

She actually fought back! Pulled out the guilt weapon. “I didn’t know I was such an imposition. I’ll pay you for your food. I can write you a check. But what about that you told me you would drive me to the store sometimes? Does this mean I can’t visit your church? You’re not honoring your religion because you’re not taking care of widows.” I found it so unsettling to be arguing with a total stranger about whether they could have access to YOUR home and YOUR food.

For back-up and emphasis, I called Chris at work and had him explain to her our position while I listened on the other phone. Chris said he wanted to be clear what our limits were so there was no disappointment or confusion on her part in the future. He pointed out that the level of commitment she expected from me was more than I could give right now while taking care of our small children and that the county’s professionals were much more equipped to help her. They do that full-time and they have many, many more resources at their disposal.

Honestly, I think it all went in one ear and out the other. She went away really hurt and rejected after stalling and yapping for AN HOUR. It’s sad this had to happen, but I can’t beat myself up for the good intentions I had & the good deeds I’ve done.

Some good has come out of this.

I’m pretty sure she’s a couple days farther away from dying now that she’s had at least a couple nutritious meals and a couple hours in the clean, cool air of our home..
I’ve had a huge lesson both about giving out my phone number (ummm… that’s not going to happen again EVER! Yes, slap my hand about that one again. I’ll let you slap it. Go ahead.)
I feel much closer to my kids & husband. After she left each time, I felt this huge need to pull them close to me and hold on to them tightly. I was just so excited to spend time with them without her there.
I’m not sure why I felt the promptings that I did to give her some help. Why did Heavenly Father put her in my path? At this point, I’m pretty sure the main reason was to teach me to say NO!!!!!!!!!!!! But who knows. I’m still open to learn from God and I still trust him.

And some final thoughts about generosity. I realized that some of my generosity might have come from a place of fear. I was thinking, “If I don’t give my food, she might starve.” Faith should have a place in our giving (or inability to give) so that we can trust that God will take care of people! We can’t do all things for all people, but God can. Secondly, do we sometimes want to seem altruistic to others just for appearances? That one usually backfires on me. And lastly, yes, God wants us to be giving. But it should be 100% voluntary. When we start feeling trapped, I think it’s a warning sign saying you might want to get out of that situation.

Back to Quantum Leap, if I were Sam Beckett, would I actually call the county for help, feeling what this woman feels? Recently, I have had a chat with another neighbor who has lived in the neighborhood for a while & she provided me with the following rumors about Myra. She said that yes, Myra is actually certifiably crazy. Even before her husband died, she used to wander around the neighborhood in a sketchy way and kipe peoples’ UPS boxes from their front porches. She was institutionalized for a short time for schizophrenia* after her husband died. So of course everyone’s “out to get her.” Alarmingly, her home should probably be condemned. Trash never goes out of it, and there might even be a dead dog in there that no one has seen in a while. Her pipes burst a while back, were never fixed, so the fear is that she is in there with no running water. Perhaps she turns it on every now and then to fill up a bucket when she needs water, etc. She did say that she drinks only bottled water and sometimes gets her hair shampooed at Springfield Mall. She was wearing the same exact outfit Friday through Tuesday, and I’m sure she would still have it on if I saw her today. Ewwwwwwww!! Also, she probably has no electricity. That fits with the fact that she was out of food a day after I gave her a whole bag of food. Almost all I gave her was perishable. And no A/C, like she mentioned. I know all of this actually sounds more like a horror movie starring a backwoods scary old lady rather than a TV sit-com starring a handsome actor. Where was this info before I let her into my home these 2 times????? But my point is that she has good reason to fear the county. She stands to lose everything she owns, including her freedom from being confined in a mental institution.

Just so you know-- I am now definitely emotionally and physically as disentangled as I can get from that situation. Even though my emotions occasionally swing back and forth between pity, disgust, frustration, fear, and sadness, I am not conflicted anymore about what my actions need to be. Now it’s just a matter of literally and figuratively Lysol-ing & bleaching my entire house. It’s over (I HOPE!) & I just want to forget about it now that I’ve had the chance to dump my thoughts onto this blog. As tempted as I am to call the county health department about the suspicions that my friend has about her home, that would mean entanglement, and I am DONE WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Has this ever happened to any of you? Or am I the only world’s biggest sucker? I would love to hear any stories you have about becoming more entangled than you wanted, and how you got free! Comment away.

*I have been around mentally ill people and studied it in law school, in depth in a “Mental Illness and the Law” class. The class was so excellent. We had a doctor from St. Elizabeth’s bring in a real brain for us to look at, and we had speakers who had suffered from major illnesses come in and speak. We visited a psychiatric hospital, and a great deal of the class was on the major illnesses themselves. In this footnote, I just want to say I never saw any visible signs that Myra had anything wrong with her other than maybe slight senility UNTIL we started saying “no” to her. I think she knew she needed to appear “normal” to us to get our help. Still, the mental illness stuff is just a rumor, but even if none of the rumors are true, I’ve had enough experience with her to know that to protect myself & my family, I have to stay as far away as I can.