Something Beautiful or Humorous: Apples that Eli painted

Sunday, December 3, 2006

I Have A Comment

In Relief Society today, the lesson was on not being offended. You can always tell how thought provoking the lesson was by the number of comments & this was a nice comment-filled hour (especially for fast Sunday!). I didn't get time to make a comment, but if I could have, this is the gist of what it would be.

I have noticed with women's relationships, the majority of the time, the best thing to do is to just forget about it if someone offends you. There was a lot of talk about singling out someone who has offended you and letting them know that they hurt your feelings. I think that is pretty rare & might help only when you think there might have been a big misunderstanding & it would give you peace to clear things up.

THE THINGS WE GET UPSET ABOUT!!! Oh my gosh! She looked at me wrong. She is judging me. I am judging her. She was distracted when talking to me. That must mean she didn't want to be my friend. She had so-and-so over for dinner. That means she is being too elitist. She used the wrong tone of voice when talking to my child. That must mean she is a child abuser.

I know that in my relationships with others, I have blurted out offenses and really, it wasn't me talking, it was my hormones or some other stress on me. There is no way to talk that out. I just want the other person (usually my husband) to forget about it and so we can move on! I try to remember that with other women, if I sometimes get rubbed the wrong way by someone, maybe they are pregnant, PMS, or who knows what. You just need to act like nothing happened in order to be friends with them again, or sometimes time heals those wounds. And if you expect to talk out every offense, it gets to be like Mosaic Law. And eye for an eye. Where is my apology for x, y, and z? Even Mosaic Law had a Year of Jubilee every 50 years when all debts were forgiven and all the slaves were freed. The circle can be so vicious that there has to be a stopping point where you just say, can we just put it behind us and forget all that we were upset about?

And furthermore, forgetting seems to imply an accidental act. But when God talks about this, he says when we repent, he REMEMBERS OUR SINS NO MORE. That seems to be a more purposeful act, that may take effort. If you have decided to forget about whatever you were offended about, and it keeps bugging you, remind yourself that you are remembering it no more. It's forgotten about. Make an effort to make sure it's forgiven & in the past.

Once I had a roommate at BYU that clashed with me big time. We just went head to head over everything. We were always mad at each other. So our other roommates put us in a room and said you need to work this out. We were never going to see things eye-to-eye, so we decided to say a prayer (don't you love BYU?). My feelings at the time were, "I hate this person. This is awful. I feel like I will feel this way forever. Please take this away so I won't feel this forever! It feels awful!" We prayed to forgive each other. Immediately afterwards, I felt peace. It was a true miracle in my life. I honestly didn't hate her anymore. I felt free of it and so joyful and peaceful. I was surprised that she didn't feel the same way. There have been other women who I have had disagreements with that have also not been able to drop it & forget it as I have. I sort of feel sorry for them.

That roommate clash was about 15 years ago & I still take away the lesson of forgiveness & peace. I saw her maybe 11 or 12 years ago and luckily it had been time that healed the wound for her & there was no awkwardness anymore at all. Thank you, roommate, wherever you are! I hope you're doing great in your life.

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